All Crikey!

Spiders could eat the entire human race in a year if they wanted

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F**ken spiders. They’re practically perfectly evolved killing machines. Whether they’re those little jumpy c**ts, the ones with the f**ken bolas, the fast-running little b*stards or the ones that hide underneath the d...

Sweden’s ‘man-free’ feminist music festival found guilty of discrimination

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In a move that will surprise just about no one at all, a music festival in Sweden has been found guilty of discrimination after organisers advertised it as ‘male-free.’ The Statement music festival took place in Gothe...

Self-entitled sheila asks if daughter can pat service dogs, can’t take no for an answer

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One of the greatest things to emerge with the burgeoning adulthood of our latest generations is a grandiose sense of entitlement. It’s a pretty awesome thing that – as the name suggests – entitles the people who are b...

Budweiser partners with medical cannabis company to research weed-infused drinks

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Beer or buds? If you’re forced to choose, you might find yourself disappointed. After all, both have their pros and their cons and what you get from one you might not get from the other. Until now…In what could well b...

Backpack Kid sues ‘Fortnite’ for using The Floss dance move

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Welcome once again to Planet Earth. Planet Earth is, if you ask some of the locals, a pretty f**ken crazy place. It’s the kinda place you can get famous for not really doing much at all. Case in point, the Backpack Ki...

Sheila dumps her cheating boyfriend in savage fashion at her own birthday party

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It’s only a couple of posts ago that we were talking about the dude who wrote his cheating girlfriend a ‘f**k you’ song. While that song certainly came with its own brand of scorn, it can’t compete with the cold-blood...

Woman’s encounter with tribe that killed John Chau was entirely different 27 years ago

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A few weeks back, the world was granted a pretty f**ken savage reminder that the Sentinelese people of North Sentinel Island in the bay of Bengal don’t want you to come door-knocking. No sh*t, this ‘primitive’ tribe d...

‘World’s most tattooed doctor’ reveals the discrimination she faces

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Although most sensible people would say the world’s acceptance levels have come a long way in recent years, we’d be naive if we were to think the journey was over, the battle won and the dinner devoured. Yeah, nah, if...

Two nuns steal $500,000 from Catholic school to go gambling in Vegas

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If you ever needed a sound effect to describe the concept of irony, we now know it’s f**ken ka-ching! Fair dinkum, the idea of a couple of nuns – who are supposed to be these lovely old ladies who marry God and make h...

Sheila who was married to ghost of 300 year old pirate issues warning after divorce

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Argh, me hearties, make no mistake, the world be an interesting place in this day and age, and whether you’re scouring the seven seas for your soul mate and that one piece of booty you know you want to spend the rest ...

Poor bloke on blood thinners had a heart attack and “coughed up a lung”

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You’ve probably heard the saying ‘coughing up a lung’. It’s a pretty common turn of phrase that’s used all around the world. It is, of course, a figurative phrase because you can’t literally cough one up. Yeah, nah, t...

American couple narrowly escapes machete-wielding bandits in Kenya

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Life. It’s an interesting beast isn’t it? One minute you can be joyfully living your life in the US and the next you can be opening up a gym in Nairobi and getting to know the locals. Sweeping changes like this often ...

Drunk bloke lets “ninja” slice sausage in his mouth with sword, backfires terribly

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Whether they’re big into medieval history, total Game of Thrones-loving nerds, or just flat out bogans with a collection of samurai swords hanging on their bedroom walls, people everywhere seem to love swords. There’s...

Woman’s monstrous fart lands her in prison after she pulls knife on customer

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Despite the fact farts are quite obviously objectively funny, there are people out there in the world who don’t get the joke. On top of that, for some bizarre reason, not everyone is proud of their rectal rockets, the...

Nobody knows why the f*ck Earth just rang like a bell

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Earth. It’s a planet shrouded in mysteries, wrapped up in enigmas, and enveloped in f**ken conundrums. While our greatest scientists work hard to get to the bottom of these seemingly unanswerable questions and hypothe...