All Crikey!

Geologist gets revenge on neighbour who left huge boulder in her driveway

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G’day, ya toerags. How are you all doing? Hopefully, you’re not dealing with neighbours as painful as the ones the star of today’s story, Melissa Scruggs from California, has to endure. Anyone who’s ever lived next do...

Drunken football sheila fan breaks the laws of physics in men’s bathroom

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One of the common things that men who are daunted by women like to use as a bloody strange badge of honour is the argument that at least they can pee standing up. Well, he hate to piss on their parade, but while i...

While Aussies swelter, North America is so f**ken cold that Niagara Falls has frozen over

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We spoke to you bloody legends the other day about the fact it was so hot here in Ozzyland you could cook a f**ken steak in a hot car. But it turns out that while we were bemoaning that bullsh*t, parts of the Northern...

Pommy tourists from hell visit New Zealand, thousands join forces to have them deported

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Ah, the British. There’s really two ways of looking at them. Depending on your perspective, they might be exceedingly posh b*stards who eat cucumber sandwiches, drink tea and look down their noses at everyone, or they...

Bloke has 15 beers pumped into his stomach in order to save his life

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Anyone who’s bloody anyone has heard stories of dudes, dudettes, blokes and blokettes needing their stomach pumped after a heavy night on the sauce. Sh*t, there’s probably more than a few of you out there who tell tha...

It’s so f*cken hot in Australia right now, a cafe has cooked a steak in a parked car

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In news every bit as surprising as water is wet, the sky is blue, and beer is f**ken delicious, Ozzyland is f**ken hot. Now, before you say, no sh*t, we’re gonna qualify that absurd claim for you. Ozzyland is in the m...

Video footage captured in Brazil shows it’s f*cken raining spiders

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These days, you’ll hear plenty of people talk sh*t about the coming end times. With all the earthquakes, tidal waves, strange creatures washing up on beaches, and existence of a president like Donald Trump, you could ...

How many of these everyday bits of knowledge aren’t you aware of?

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General knowledge is one of those awesome kinds of intelligence that you can’t really be ‘taught’ in a traditional sense. Being well-read certainly helps, but mostly, you either learn it from experience, your mistakes...

Comedian Nimesh Patel kicked off stage for “offensive joke”

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When Nimesh Patel was invited to a stand-up comedy event at Columbia University by the Columbia Asian American Alliance, he expected to perform his regular show to an audience that knew him, knew his schtick, and knew...

Poor bastard discovers a sh*tload of cockroaches in old phone

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If you think you’ve heard things scuttling inside your appliances, scratching inside your walls and scurrying underneath your floorboards, but haven’t been able to locate the b*stard critters responsible, you might ju...

Sheila loses her sh*t after bloke refuses to pay for her lobster dinner and $130 bottle of wine

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At this stage of our collective evolution, we’re starting to question all sorts of traditional behaviours and cultural practices. Along the way, we’re starting to redefine what exactly equality means – and what it loo...

Pervy giraffes watch on as three cheetas do the dirty

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The world of sex and sexual kinks really does take all sorts and in 2019, society’s a pretty liberal place. The thing is, it’s not only people who have their kinks, fetishes and preferences; in some cases, animals can...

Driverless Tesla kills autonomous robot

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Those of us who’ve heeded the warnings of Terminator and have been sh*tting bricks over the coming influx of robots and machines imbued with artificial intelligence, might not have to worry after all. Yeah, nah, if a ...

Soccer player has Twitter meltdown after fan backlash for buying gold plated steak

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Have you ever just been going about your business and enjoying your life when you’ve come in for some stick? It’s always a mood-killer and you can’t blame people for getting upset when it happens. Deadset, it can real...

Student selling weed spared jail as judge was impressed by their text message grammar

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Remember back in the day when your English teacher used to say dumb sh*t like, “English is very important. There’s a direct correlation between those who pass English and those in prison.” Well, a recent trial in the ...

Archaeologists uncover ‘Vampire Skeleton’ in UK burial site

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The world today is pretty bloody different to the one that existed in the third century BC. Deadset, compared to the poor b*stards who inhabited the place back then, we live a pretty f**ken charmed life. We’ve got mob...

Where are they now: the stars of your favourite memes

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Memes are pretty f**ken grouse. Of course, they’ve also evolved an awful lot over the last few years. In that time, some of the stars behind our earliest memes have grown up and evolved themselves. So, er, yeah, while...

Bloke tries to troll undercover cop by selling him fake weed, back fires horribly

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It doesn’t take a f**ken rocket scientist to know that police forces across the world are far from perfect. They’re supposed to protect people, but sometimes things don’t work out that way. The video you’re about to s...

Some of the coolest sh*t found at random

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Who doesn’t love finding bloody cool sh*t at random. You know, like when you put your hand in your pocket and find ten bucks you didn’t know you had? Or when you lift the couch seat and find that biro you’ve been look...

Manager threatens “sick” employee, employee responds the best way possible

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Taking time off work can always be a dodgy prospect. We all know who the dodgy sheilas are who take off the Friday before Splendour in the Grass every year. We also know who the cheeky blokes who only ever get sick on...