Footage captures the moment a humpback whale flips kayakers over

When it comes to mythological, historical, and classical characters of the sea, one of the ones you don’t wanna emulate is bloody Jonah. Yeah, nah, this silly prick got himself f**ken munched by a bloody whale, and regardless of how his story turns out, that’s not something you wanna be mimicking. Of course, most of us have put that whole story down to allegory and metaphor because whales ‘don’t eat bloody people’. Turns out they might. Watch this s**t…

For this one, we’re heading to Avila Beach in California. That’s where a couple of kayakers were enjoying a day on the water. And seriously, why wouldn’t they be? Have a look at the scenery! It’s bloody gorgeous.

Credit: Kellie Balentine

Anyway, s**t goes downhill real f**ken quick when a humpback whale just smashes ‘em. Fortunately, it spits ‘em out, leaving them in the drink, but bugger me sideways, it f**ken had a go!

The two kayakers who found themselves going the way of Captain Ahab are Liz Cottriel and Julie McSorley. As they explained to a local Fox news affiliate, they were enjoying a nice spot of whale-watching when the big cetacean decided to f**k their s**t up.

Credit: Kellie Balentine

McSorley said, “I saw the big pool of fish, the big bait ball come up out of the water. I saw the whale come up … I thought, ‘Oh no! It’s too close’. All of a sudden, I lifted up, and I was in the water.”

Her mate Liz said, “I’m thinking to myself, ‘I’m gonna push’. Like, I’m gonna push a whale out of the way! It was the weirdest thought. I’m thinking, ‘I’m dead. I’m dead’. I thought it was gonna land on me.”

Credit: Kellie Balentine

Fortunately, they were granted a last-minute reprieve, and weren’t dragged down to Davey Jones locker. Still, we reckon they must have s**t their pants. We bloody well would have!

Credit: Kellie Balentine

Final thought: It just goes to show that you never know which animals are absolute c**ts. We bloody love whales here at Ozzy Man Reviews, but now we’re thinking our affections might have been misplaced. Fortunately, we won’t write off a whole species because of one dickhead humpback. That one, though, he gets no f**ken beers from us. Prick.

Just in case you missed it, here’s one of Ozzy’s latest commentary videos…Ozzy Man Reviews: Parents V Stairs

H/T: THE GUARDIAN.