Scientists develop tool to help with male infertility
If you’ve ever seen or read The Children of Men, you’ll know that rising infertility rates might end up being a real kick in the balls for the human race. Fortunately, one company is now selling a device that will ensure we can all maintain healthy super-sperm and continue to go forth and multiply. That company is CoolTec, and they posit that too many dudes are walking around with warm norries. Their solution might just change the way we summer. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the CoolMen testicle cooler.
Rightio, we’re gonna be straight up and say the ‘science’ we have on this here at Ozzy Man Reviews comes straight from the sales copy, so if that’s gonna blister ya beanbag, just take a deep breath and go for the ride.
What their sales and marketing department tell us is that the temperature of a man’s testicles has an effect on infertility in 60 per cent of men. A rise in temperature of just 1 degree celsius can cause a decrease of sperm by 40 per cent.
“The device restores the natural process of sperm production and thus in a short time greatly improves the semen. It stabilizes the temperature of your spunk bunkers and keeps it in the optimum range. That, in turn, makes sure your missus is getting blasted by the most effective baby batter you can baste her with.”
Having said all that, we’re not even thinking about this in a way that benefits future generations. You might be aware that Ozzyland gets really f**ken hot. Come summer, most blokes are walking around in ball-sweat soup. It’s a problem.
If this thing really can refrigerate your rockmelons, chill your chestnuts and keep your kiwis cool, then f**ken bring it on. And if you’re wondering how it works, you just whack the wedding tackle in the machine, turn it on and enjoy the air-conditioning. It’s even got some whizz-bang elements that connect up to your telephone and tell you all about your day.
F**k me we live in a great future.
Final thought: Seriously, with one of these bad boys, we’ll no longer have to worry about peeling our scrotes off the side of our leg in Ozzy summer. It’ll be f**ken grouse. Just don’t forget to take it off before you jump in the pool. You don’t want to electrocute your eggs, tase your twins or fry your footballs before you get to use them!
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