The Internet freaked out when they realised ‘Mega Bats’ are a thing
So it turns out that some things we take for granted here in Ozzyland are apparently big f**ken news to the internet. To be honest, we’re not sure why that is. It’s not like we’re hidden right away in some little corner of the world miles and miles away from anyone except Kiwiland. Anyway, getting back on track, the other day some bloke shared some pictures of megabats to the internet, and everyone lost their collective s**t…
So, er, yeah, a few days ago, Twitter user VeganGenesis posted a couple of pictures of some bats just hanging around online. Now, to be fair, these buggers are pretty big.
That’s ‘cos they’re fruit bats – we think – and they’re probably all called Kevin.
— Shell🌸 (@Shalianaaa_) January 27, 2019
Anyway, while we’re not a hundred per cent certain the ones he’s posted pictures of are local Ozzy ones, big-ass fruit bats are still more common than Hamlet’s mum around here. And, to be completely fair, they’re pretty bloody amazing animals when they’re not squabbling in the trees and keeping you awake all bloody night. They’re even better when they’re not sh**ting on your car.
Moving on, it seems like a lot of blokes and sheilas thought they might be predatory bloodsucking mother**kers. They’re not. These big dopey b**tards love to eat fruit – and so do all the various families of megabat. Apparently, they don’t even use echolocation like other bats because they have excellent eyesight.
Having said that, you don’t want one of the big b**stards flying into you.
They’ve still got claws and s**t. Yeah, nah, that idea can f**k right off.
Final thought: to be fair, we’re not surprised the world had a bloody meltdown when it saw them. They’re an everyday part of life for a lot of us Ozzies (and other tropical and sub-tropical parts of the world), but if you’re used to seeing the little f**kers on television realising bats can be the size of dogs is a bit of a wake-up call.
Just in case you missed it, here’s one of Ozzy’s latest commentary videos…Ozzy Man Reviews: Best Gymnastics Routine AGAIN