Lions Maul Poacher Hunting Them, Then Leave Ironic ‘Trophy’ Behind
Instead of the usual animal v animal throwdown here on Ozzyman.com, we’re bringing you something way more hardcore today.
A story way more extreme, something featuring a pride of deadly lions and one karmic-retribution flavoured poacher!
Yep, the schadenfreude levels are right off the charts here on your favourite Ozzy website.
News that a big cat poacher in South Africa’s Ingwelala Private Nature Reserve has been killed, eaten and, presumably, shat out by the very lions he was trying to poach has filtered out this chewsday afternoon.
Sometimes these stories about people dying crop up on the internet and I usually don’t want to come across as too insensitive when it’s time to turn their death into bad puns and dick jokes but this time, I’m feline fine about it.
Yep, Aslan as the victim deserves it, I’m all for making fun of them.
So let’s get straight into the gory details.
A blood-curdling scream for help – sort of like the kind you might make if a lion was about to eat you – was heard from somewhere within the park. By the time help finally arrived, the lions had already devoured all but the man’s head. It was left behind as a grisly reminder not to shoot lions.
At first, people were worried one of the park’s rangers had been attacked and killed by the apex predators. Fortunately, after a quick roll call, everyone who mattered was observed present and to everyone’s immediate relief the victim was assumed to be a poacher.
Hilariously, police in South Africa have observed that the fact his head wasn’t eaten should make identifying the man quite easy.
Don’t tell me he didn’t know what he was doing when he said, “The process of identifying this body has already commenced and it might be made easier as his head was amongst the re-manes found at the scene.” Cold-blooded comedy gold!
As I said earlier, I don’t want to come across as unsimbathetic, but when a lion comes at ya after you’ve fired a bullet towards its face, you just have to Mufasa if you don’t want to be eaten.