These pics prove that the internet can identify just about anything
Back in the day, we used to say that all the world’s knowledge was held in books. These days, though, we just tell ourselves that it’s all floating around the darkest recesses of the internet. We’re not sure exactly where it is, but apparently, it’s to be found somewhere amongst all the conspiracy theories, rampant s**tposting, propaganda and porn. Fortunately for humanity, someone always seems to pop up with a vital bit of that knowledge when you need it most. Just ask the people who didn’t know what the f**k they’d found.
Yeah, nah, all of these images are examples of s**t people have discovered and been unable to identify. F**ken yonkers ago, this kind of find resulted in a trip to the library or a shrug of the shoulders. Now, though, you just whack that thing on the internet and some clever clogs goes, ‘Yeah, mate, that’s a bloody doobywhacker.’ Check it out.
This first one was found in someone’s steak dinner. While you might be forgiven for thinking it was the nib of a biro, some clever bastard pointed out that it was a f**ken cattle/pig microchip for meat traceability.
Have a squiz at this old school fan. It’s made of bloody ivory, so you might be wondering what kind of weird use it had. Well, apparently, it’s a “fabulous antique early Victorian chatelaine aide memoir from mid 1800s. Made of sheets of bone, it would have hung on a lady’s chatelaine chain or been kept securely in her pocket and she would have used it to make note and appointments for the week to come. It has 6 pages for the days Monday to Saturday, of course a lady would never have made appointments on a Sunday!”
The bloke who found this one in a drawer had no idea what it is. Fortunately, the internet could provide. It’s an old-school toothpick.
Someone’s Gran got left this in an old dude’s will. No one in the nursing home would own up to knowing what it was. Turns out it’s a bloody opium pipe. No wonder Nanna was always sleepy.
This UFO-looking thing turned up on a beach in Guam. Fortunately, the world-wide-web was there to pronounce it “a Chinese Long March 3B rocket launch that failed, and the rocket and its payload was seen reentering the atmosphere near Guam.”
Here’s another brainbuster. After going into a shed, the photographer was like what the f**k is that? The internet was like, ‘Don’t stress, brah. It’s just a nesting box for owls. They eat rodents and s**t so farmers like ’em.’
This one’s a doozy. They were left it by their grandma and, not knowing what it was, they turned to the internet for advice. Apparently, it’s “a really old Gibson, from between 1903 and 1933.”
Here’s another UFO-looking thing. It’s really not that exciting, though. It’s just “a wave-powered desalinator owned by Oneka Technologies, a firm in Quebec. It takes seawater and turns it into freshwater. It is powered by the motion of the waves.”
This cannonball-looking doohickey might just be a bit of space debris according to folks on the internet. Yeah, nah, apparently, it’s pretty common space-junk.
These things were in a sheila’s salad. She hoped they might be seeds. Of course, the internet was there to burst her bubble. They were f**ken insect eggs. Yeah, nah, they’re in her brain now.
This last one looks pretty f**ken scary. Let’s be honest, the connotations of a Nazi-looking key are pretty f**ked up. Fortunately, though, the internet reckons, “It looks like a jewelry piece by Charles Horner. These were made circa 1910. It was a symbol of good luck. This was before the swastika was known for a symbol of Nazism. (They adopted it around 1920.)”
Final thought: Obviously, the moral of this one’s pretty simple. If you’ve found something on your travels and not had the foggiest what it is, f**ken load a happy snap into the comments section and wait for the brains trust to get involved. They’ll sort it out for you.
Just in case you missed it, here’s one of Ozzy’s latest commentary videos…Ozzy Man Reviews: Self-Isolation Compilation #3