BREAKING: Robotic Blowjobs are Coming to a Bedroom Near You

BREAKING: Robotic Blowjobs are Coming to a Bedroom Near You

Male virgins, bedroom freaks, and fetishists all around the world have woken up today to glorious news gracing the front page of the internet.

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Discrete household blowjob robots are about to become a reality, courtesy of Arlan Robotics. They’ve even kicked off an IndieGogo campaign to try and get this insane feat of cutting-edge science and engineering into full blown production.

The “Arlan Robotics Service Droid” has apparently been engineered “to perform the most intimate, pleasurable human interaction discretely at a price you can afford.”

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“The head stores neatly into the cushion provided and the body has the optional front flipper attached,” says the now viral advertisement for the service droid, which quickly went straight to the front page of Reddit.

The droid has been “designed to be assembled in seconds,” meaning teenage boys and desperate men alike will be able to scramble quickly to put the machine together as soon as they’re home alone. Just chuck a big winter coat on him/her to make it more realistic, it’ll be just like you’re getting a gobby in a blizzard.

Photo: Arlan Robotics

The face of the machine may not be much to look at, and the neck on the thing looks like the robot has been built to bob for apples, but judging from the way it treats a banana and an ice block, it may end up being the toy of choice for the next generation of basement dwelling males.

Photo: Arlan Robotics

The droid features “semi-hard teeth, a tongue, and throat contours” and comes with a weird exit tube valve on its neck that you can press to provide “toe curling suction on demand.”

It also comes with up to 100% human hair, “flowing directly from inside the model’s scalp”, which the narrator encourages users to style in any way they like. Can you imagine donating your hair or cutting it to sell only to have your locks end up on the scalp of an automated blowjob robot? Terrifying, or exciting, depending on how you look at it I guess.

Photo: Arlan Robotics

It looks like the future is here. All we know is that you definitely shouldn’t get the first version of the robot because you don’t want to be the guy who loses their manhood due to a computer malfunction.

Check out the video for the Arlan Robotics Service Droid below and let us know what you think: