Science Has Discovered Smelling Your Partners Farts Will Help You Live Longer
Good news for the master blasters among us – actually, great news for the wives and girlfriends of the master blasters among us – smelling your partner’s farts is not only good for your health, it’ll actually make you live longer!
Yes, gents, next time your missus has a whinge because you’ve blown the big brown horn, just smile, wink, tell her it’s good for her and ask her to pull your finger!
Yep, thunder out a 6.8 on the rectum scale, stomp the barking spider and sound the methane mating call.
New research shows she should even thank you for it!
Researchers at the University of Exeter in Pommyland have figured out that its beneficial to have a whiff when your partner’s baking brownies. Their faecal fumes contain gases that can combat disease. No word has been released on how much vindaloo and beer went into this study, but let’s assume it’s a lot.
The study was published in the journal Medicinal Chemistry Communications and it analysed the impact of hydrogen sulphide (produced every time you uncork one) and found out cellular exposure to it can prevent mitochondrial damage. That, apparently, can reduce the risk of cancer, heart disease and stroke.
One of the researchers, Dr Mark Wood said, “Although hydrogen sulphide is well known as a pungent, foul-smelling gas in rotten eggs and flatulence, it is naturally produced in the body and could in fact be a healthcare hero.” We’re guessing that he then lifted his leg, applied a little pressure, fired a stink torpedo and high-fived his mates.
Researchers have also suggested that your sphincter whistle could prevent arthritis and your heinous anus could prevent dementia. Another researcher, Matt Whiteman said, “When cells become stressed by disease, they draw in enzymes to generate minute quantities of hydrogen sulphide. This keeps the mitochondria ticking over and allows cells to live.”
Can’t you just picture him airbrushing his boxers, pulling the covers over his wife’s head and repeating that like a mantra? “It’s OK, honey; I’m replenishing your mitochondria with hydrogen sulphide.’
Ladies, next time your man belches from behind thank him for his anal acoustics. He might just be saving your life.
Gents, let each bean be heard, let Horton hear a poo, and let the toothless one speak. With this information, your wife should even thank you for it. Thanks, Science!