Sheila is getting paid thousands to name people’s babies
Naming your baby can be a tough business. Deadset, we live in an age of peak marketing and peak meming. On top of that, more and more kids are deciding their own identities, regardless of what their parents name ‘em. So, with that in mind, the pressure to pick a name that really represents your little whippersnapper in their earliest years is f**ken immense. That’s why some people are turning to professional baby-namers like Taylor A Humphrey. Check it out.
Yeah, unfortunately the days of just calling your little man Bruce, your little sheila Shazza, and your little non-binary bugger Charlie are gone. Names these days have to represent the zeitgeist. They have to catch moments in time and reflect the air of change that’s sweeping the planet, and that’s where bloody Taylor comes in.
She reckons that “If you look at the most popular baby names, it’s a tell-tale sign of our cultural values and our aspirations.” And that’s why she raked in more than 150,000 US dollarydoos naming other people’s kids in 2020 alone. Deadset, some parents even paid her ten grand to help name their cherub.
Humphrey offers a varied service. Depending on how much parents want to pay, she can provide them with just a phone call and a bespoke name, or she can go all the way to a proper genealogical exploration and unearth old family names.
Recently, she even helped a married couple name their kid Parks because the couple had shared their first pash in a town called Parker. Now, that is f**ken genius.
She says that if parents don’t choose the names she provides, they sometimes end up as middle names, and that’s all right too. She says, “Sometimes you see a name like Brave on my list and you think, ‘I’m just not going to name my kid Brave,’ but it might be worth putting on a maybe list as a thought for a middle name.”
Final thought: F**ken have your say about this one. We dunno if we could offload the naming of our tin lids to someone else. After all, Dazza and Kazza are f**ken great names for any true Aussie kid. Don’t you reckon?
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