Teen bloke builds nuclear reactor in mum’s backyard that made the neighborhood radioactive

You know, some blokes are bloody handy when it comes to inventing sh*t, building complex machinery and engineering mad as f**k equipment from household items. This is a story about a young bloke who most certainly fits that bill. His name was David Hahn, and in some parallel universes, his wizardry would have him as a super-hero. In others, he’d most definitely be a villain.

Equipment in Hahn’s lab. Credit: Weird Science

Deadset, when he was a little bloke, young David was a f**ken legend. Unfortunately, David’s time on this earth was not long. But, when you consider just how much crazy sh*t this loose bloody cannon got up to, it’s a wonder he even made it to adulthood, let alone thirty-nine.

It all started after young David moved to a new town with his mother. A bit of a loner with a penchant for fooling around with technology – especially nuclear technology – the little dude was stoked when his gramps bought him The Golden Book of Chemistry Experiments. In fact, he was so bloody stoked, he built a lab in Mum’s basement – A lab in which he would come very close to sending EVERYONE to Destination F**ked.

The Chemistry book that set the tone. Credit: Amazon

On top of blasting the f**k out of himself with phosphorous, overdosing on canthaxanthin, and playing with powdered magnesium, he also set fire to Mum’s house. Sick of his sh*t, she sent him out to the shed, where the little b**tard built a nuclear f**ken reactor and poisoned the whole neighbourhood.

The little c**t pretended to be a physics teacher and began to correspond with the Nuclear Regulatory Commission who happily told him exactly how to build a breeder reactor. Later on, when he realised just how f**ken radioactive his reactor was, he tried to get rid of the evidence. The neighbours, thinking he was stealing tires, called the cops.

F**ken fire in the basement! Credit: Sam Beebe

As you can imagine, he got in deep sh*t from there. One thing that is only fair to clean up is his young age of death. Unfortunately, he died at 39 as a result of alcohol poisoning, not as a result of more experiments as is sometimes reported.

Nuclear waste. Credit: Weird History

Final thought: Maybe we should count ourselves lucky this sh*t didn’t happen in our era. Dude would have to do something extreme with it.

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H/T: David Hahn.