New Research Shows McDonald’s Fries May Actually Help Cure Baldness

In today’s bullsh** viral news, it turns out that McDonald’s chips can now help cure baldness thanks to a magical chemical added to their food.

Yep, you read that right. Maccas chips could help cure baldness. It’s why you’ve never seen a fat bald guy. Shame we didn’t realise that one a while ago.

Sigh.

Ronald McDonald. Credit: ABC

Obviously there’s so much bullsh** here it could fill the Augean stables and Hercules himself couldn’t clear it away even if he had three mighty rivers to do it with. So, let’s start with the ‘magical’ chemical. It’s called Dimethylpolysiloxane and apparently, it’s the extremely tenuous link in this story.

Maccas are said to add this chemical to their food to stop the hot oil from bubbling up like the weird sister’s cauldron or that mystery bong that was sent to you instead of the x-box remote you ordered. I’m not sure how or why the foaming oil is really that much of a problem but I guess when you’ve got a bunch of half-stoned teenagers running the operation you can never be too careful.

Classic… Credit: MTV

Anyway, scientists who’ve managed to grow hair out of the backs of bald mice have named Dimethylpolysiloxane as one of the key ingredients in their success. They have been able to – in overly simplistic terms – work their heathen science magic on a combination of stem cells and skin cells and thanks to the chemical’s ability to let oxygen pass through it, they’ve done so with a great deal of success.

And that’s the link that to the story about Maccas chips right there. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love a good viral story, but sometimes you just have to say, No. That’s such a tenuously linked pile of sh** that it barely even makes sense and I won’t stand for it.

If the scientists were rubbing chips on the backs of mice and hair was growing there, then the link would make sense. But they’re not. And, besides, if chips really could help hair grow, my shoulder would be hairier than the Zohan’s bush right now.

I put ze Maccas chips there. Credit: Happy Madison

Anyway, what does it matter? Bald or not bald, the chips are still pretty spesh. Just don’t go rubbing them on your head…unless you’re into it, I guess. In that case, rub away. Rub away…