Bloke jumps 25,000ft From Airplane without a f*cken parachute, survives
Some people are born with a desire to live life on the edge, a real penchant for putting themselves in the mouth of danger, a fetish for adrenaline-fuelled situations that’ll mean you’re finished if you f**k it up!
Luke Aikins is one of those people. That probably explains why he saw fit to jump out of a plane without a parachute and without a wingsuit. His only hope of survival: a giant f**ken trampoline!
OK, that last part’s bullsh*t, but it may as well be the truth. Luke ‘big-balls’ Aikins had to land directly onto a giant bloody net. If he didn’t, the gathered crowd would have watched him plummet Wile-E-Coyote style into the ground, presumably to leave a Luke Aikins shaped-hole behind him before he travelled through the earth’s core and into a suburban street somewhere in China.
Jokes aside, this is a ballsy-as-f**k effort. It’s also probably a little insane. Nah, yeah, we’re saying that without knowing how much mathematics and science went into the planning of this jump – and it’s probably a f**k-tonne – but with a jump of such magnitude the margin for error has to be infinitesimal.
Watching the video you can see the curvature of the earth – f**ken take that, Flat Earthers – and you get to look through Luke’s headcam as he approaches the ground. And I tell you what, dude is f**ken flying! OK, maybe ‘flying’ is the wrong term seeing as he’s actually falling, but you know what I mean. His descent is rapid!
Eventually, his mates with the parachutes pull their ripcords and say, “Yeah, nah, you’re on your own now, brother. If you don’t make it, I’ll never eat pancakes again, so you better f**ken nail it!” Luke isn’t worried though, he f**ken dives like a hungry drop-bear, confident in the knowledge that he’s got this sh*t in the bag!
And he f**ken nails it! Check out that landing. Straight into the net like a giant bloody fish. Straight into the net like a really sh*t trapeze artist. F**ken take that, gravity. Take that, Newton. Take that, dude who tried to sell him a parachute!
Final thought: Ladies and gentlemen, there’s really not much else I can say. That sh*t right there was a historical moment. What a legend, what a champion, what a top bloke!
Just in case you missed it, here’s one of Ozzy’s latest commentary videos…Ozzy Man Reviews: Rat vs Rat