Science confirms having lots of orgasms can save a man’s life

When it comes to men’s health, you can’t take things too seriously. Men are renowned for not doing enough to look after themselves from a purely medical perspective, and whether it’s just a cliché or whether it’s a stone cold fact, you’d better bloody believe the folks at Harvard University aren’t having a pull when they tell you that to give yourself the best chance against prostate cancer, there’s a magic number of orgasms you need to shoot for every month.

G’day, ya big bloody wankers. How the f**k are ya? After hearing this news, we’ll bet you’re feeling a bit better about yourselves. Anyway, as you know, prostate health has always been one of those things that makes for a good joke, because you used to get a finger up your clacker when you were getting it checked out.

Classic. Credit: Fox/Family Guy

These days, you still can if you really want it done that way. Just expect the doctor to look at you a bit funny when he realises what you’re doing, ya kinky bugger. Anyway, back to the point, research published in the journal of European Urology says frequent ejaculations can reduce your risk of prostate cancer by a third. You can trust us, or you can read up on it here.

The table proving it. Credit: Journal of European Urology

A whole bunch of Harvard Researchers worked on the research, interviewing 32,000 men in the process. They say the optimum number of orgasms per month is 21. That’s probably not too many for some of you, but for those of you who are struggling, don’t stress. You can get there manually.

Anyway, it’s the number of orgasms that count, not the method of achieving them. We suggest you set up a calendar and notate the twenty-one days per month you need to strive for. It’ll be hard yakka, but get to work. Make the missus look like a painter’s radio, lube up Mrs Palmer and her five daughters, bash the bishop, play a game of soggy saos, whatever. Your health is on the line.

Good luck, gents! We’re rooting for ya!

Before you get carried away with achieving it yourself, heed this warning. Credit: Heromachine

Final thought: Every now and then good news filters through, and this, gents, this is it. You know what to do. Get to f**ken work and remember that if you sit on your hand until it goes numb, it’ll feel like someone else is doing it!

Just in case you missed it, here’s one of Ozzy’s latest commentary videos…Ozzy Man Reviews: WTF Happened in 2018

H/T: NYPOST.