Bloke stakes out local pizza shop to investigate accuracy of “Domino’s Tracker”
The world has many unsolved mysteries. We don’t always know how things work behind the scenes, and we can sometimes be completely shocked by how little we actually know in the universe.
Thankfully there are people like Brian VanHooker that are devoted to the kind of explosive journalism that ensures no stone is unturned on his quest for truth.
Recently, Brian set out to expose the truth about the accuracy of the Domino’s Online Tracker that they use for their deliveries.
Seems Brian was skeptical about the whole process and wanted to get to the bottom of this important issue.
If you haven’t ordered Domino’s online before, I’ll get ya up to speed. Domino’s has its own app that you can download for free. You order your grub and pay online. Even blokes with too much chlorine in their gene pool will find it easy peasy.
Once you’ve placed your order, you get a tracker thingy that tells you the various stages of your order, such as being cooked or on route with the driver.
Brian documents his experience, gathering the evidence he needs for his story.
6.55pm – Brian places his online order. He’s sitting inside the Domino’s joint, eating some chicken he’d ordered previously so as to not look suss.
7.02pm – “Your order is being assembled,” says Brian’s online tracker. LIES. Brian had devised a plan of ordering very specific pizza toppings so he could tell if his order was getting made… Brian is as serious as a f**cken heart attack when it comes to uncovering the truth.
7.06pm – Brian sees his order is ACTUALLY getting prepared. A full FOUR minutes AFTER the tracker advised. Seriously, this is some hard-hitting s**t here mates.
7.14pm – Online tracker says “We’re on the Way!” Another disgusting and devious lie. Brian notes his pizza is still in the f**ken oven! Bloody Domino’s, lower than a snake’s belly lying to hungry customers!
Brian follows the pizza delivery guy to two other stops prior to getting to his joint where his missus has been waiting patiently for the pizza delivery.
Pizza is delivered at 7.36pm within the specified time frame, the order is correct and delicious apparently.
Well, f**k, that was a bit anti-climatic wasn’t it.
In the conclusion of his article Brian wrote:
So sure, the Domino’s Pizza Tracker was only off by a few minutes, but it was pretty clear that the progress bar was in no way related to what was actually going on. Instead, it seems like it’s just a pre-timed estimate of how long each step should take, but in no way is it customized for your order.
In short, I totally blew the lid off this whole pizza tracker thing, man. I don’t want to compare myself to Woodward and Bernstein or anything, but I’m pretty sure they never stalked a pizza man on a rainy evening to expose the truths that will haunt a generation.
I take my tucker pretty seriously, but either Brian’s got too much time on his hands or he’s nuttier than squirrel s**t!
Nah, good onya Brian, it’s beaut to know that the era of hard-hitting, important journalism ain’t cactus yet.