Drunk as f**k passenger caught peeing on back of airline seat

There’s no doubt about it: flying officially sucks a wombat’s wazzer. Whether you’re flying long-distance or short-distance, late at night or early in the morning, you just can’t say that it’s a pleasant experience. The seats are cramped, the food is awful and the lottery that decides who sits in your vicinity is usually rigged against you. Just ask the people who had to sit near this drunken bloke on a recent Frontier Flight…

We all know the feeling of sitting in your designated seat and watching the other passengers shuffle along the aisle, bumping people and seats with their suitcases and luggage. You’re usually sitting there thinking, please not that one; oh sh**, definitely not that one; yeah-nah, I might be all right, they’re nearly all on…oh f**k a duck, it’s the drunkest dude ever.

It’s as good a spot as any. Credit: Emma Kerbstdat

In this case, the drunkest dude ever was proper drunk. Pissed as a fart. He sat down, absolutely spannered, on a flight from Denver to Charleston and proceeded to grope the sheila sitting beside him.

Emily, one of the other birds on the plane, told KDVR she heard a woman scream, “If this man f**king touches me one more time, I’ll f**king kill him.” Apparently, the paralytic passenger ordered two double shots of vodka on the plane alone – and there’s no telling how much he’d had beforehand. Emily reckons, “He couldn’t speak. He was mumbling.” He was, “Extremely intoxicated.”

He was arrested after the lewd act. Credit: CBS Denver

The flight attendants did their bit and moved the man away from trouble – or so they’d thought. We all know what it’s like when you’ve had a few and you’re absolutely fanging for a piss, right? Well, this bloke, in his inebriated stupor, didn’t want to wait for the dunny. He flopped out his fizzle-stick and straight up slashed all over the seat in front of him. Emily, documenting the debacle for prosperity, snapped a photo of the man in the act.

He looks the sort too. Credit: Charleston County Jail

Final thought: the days of playing up on airplanes are long behind us. Everyone’s got a camera and everyone’s just waiting for a chance to give someone else their fifteen minutes of infamy. If you’re going to get blotto, try to behave yourself – and if you can’t, don’t do it in public. At least that way you don’t make flying a worse prospect than it already is.

H/T: Vice.