Family tries to outrun cheetahs after getting out of car in Safari park

You know, we love to give people the benefit of the doubt here at Ozzyman Reviews, but sometimes it’s really not that easy. I mean, if you or I were to go to a safari park where apex predators like Cheetahs roam free, there’s a very good chance we’d be smart enough to stay in the car. The family in today’s video though…

It’s the kind of death that’d find its way into Horrible Histories’ Stupid Deaths segment. Credit: Robby FPE via FPE Humor

Yeah, these guys… it’s hard to look at this in any favourable way whatsoever. I mean, do the math. You have two adults, three small children, and a family of cheetahs. For anyone who has lived under a rock for their entire life, cheetahs are fast. Like Usain Bolt fast.

And…

The family gets out of the car twice. With. The. Kids.

In the interests of imagining why they did this, I’m gonna posit a couple of theories. First of all, they figured that because it’s a safari park, the animals wouldn’t actually be that wild and the warnings were bullsh**. In which case, there’s undoubtedly some natural selection at play here.

Secondly, they… um, yeah-nah. I can’t fathom this one.

Anyway, as you’ll see in the video, the dashcam that captures this is safely inside the vehicle of the family behind them. Right where anyone with a shred of common sense would also be.

Mummy, where’s Daddy going? Credit: Robby FPE via FPE Humor

Of course, the family who’ve exited their car – amongst a coalition of cheetahs, mind – heard the warnings and thought yeah-nah, f**k that. It’s our holiday and if we want to get up close and personal with the cheetahs we will.

The cheetahs, judging by the footage, saw the family and their small children and thought giddy-up. It’s f**ken dinner time. They promptly high-fived each other, thanked the cheetah gods for Darwinism and charged.

Meanwhile, Mummy Foresight (that’s what we’re calling her) grabs the smallest kid, ignores the smell of fear-drenched faeces emanating from its dacks and asks the cheetah if it thinks it’s a bloody dingo or something. “Stay away from my baby, mother**ker,” she says. “This littlun is not for you!”

Somehow the family all make it back to the car, but let’s give a special mention to Dad. He has made like a banana and he is ready to f**ken split! He’s like, “yeah-nah, f**k the wife, f**k the kids, I can remarry and breed again. It’ll be sad but at least there’ll be no cheetahs.”

“Go, go, go! I only left the twelve year-old behind. He’s one of them now.” Credit: Robby FPE via FPE Humor

Final thought: As said above, we want to give folks the benefit of the doubt here at Ozzyman. We love it when a plucky underdog nearly f**ks up royally and flukes a victory when everyone else expects a grisly demise, but bloody hell, these blokes made it hard.

H/T: Daily Mail.