Women explain the things they hate guys doing that they learnt from porn

It’s been said a thousand times, but guys and girls are different. To quote Kindergarten Cop, guys have a penis and girls have a vagina. When you put them together, it’s supposed to be an enjoyable experience for everyone involved. Unfortunately, according to a recent Reddit conversation, it doesn’t always work that way. Apparently, chicks don’t dig it when dudes try to make sex seem like a porno. For some reason, their real-life genitals just aren’t up to the rigours of the weather-beaten, pixelated and leathery ones belonging to girls in dirty movies…

Credit: Reddit/emilicia

OK, if you’re the guy who’s announcing they’re going to ‘release the seed’, not only do you owe that poor girl an apology, you also need to make yourself known on Facebook. That is some hilarious sh*t. You’ve gotta wonder if he’s just a big joker and he’s saying it for laughs, or if he’s deadset!

Credit: Reddit/daddySalarian

Well, some guys might like you to puke on their pork sword. And if not, it’s not their fault you haven’t put in the time practicing to do that kind of stuff. Geez!

Credit: Reddit/HoodratThot

There are some gold quotes in here. Never change lanes without signalling is a pretty damn good analogy.

Credit: Reddit/fatbabyotters

Pneumonics are a handy tool to have in any ass-anal. If we can’t remember ‘A to V hurts when you pee’, there’s something seriously wrong with us.

Credit: Reddit/OriiAmii

You mean this doesn’t work?

Credit: Reddit/StinkFingerPete

OK. Are Hamburglar noises even a thing? As for making them when you’re going down, how would that not result in laughter all around?

Credit: Reddit/X-Maelstrom-X

Cut our nails. That’s a fair call.

Credit: Reddit/featheredfelon

You can just picture a home renovation porno where the bloke is ‘vigorously sanding a board’ and the sheila is like, ‘I gotta get me some of that action!’

Credit: Reddit/moz1

There would definitely be something creepy about a bloke – or a sheila – maintaining silence throughout the process. Borderline weird.

Credit: Reddit/HyperU2

How would you be in real life if you did this? “Oh, never-mind Steve. He’s just going to record all of this?”
“Get out of my house.”

Credit: Reddit/klydefr0gg

Are we talking Guitar Hero on easy or difficult? Either way, that’s gotta make for some tired fingers!

Just in case you missed it, here’s one of Ozzy’s latest commentary videos…Ozzy Man Reviews: Theresa May Dancing

H/T: Reddit.