Toddler’s birthday cake topper says something totally different from behind
How bloody good are mates? They’re the blokes who’ll stitch you right up in front of that classy sheila you’re hitting on at the local. They’re the b*stards who’ll shave your f**ken eyebrows and draw cocks on your face when you’re piss-drunk, and they’re the c**ts who’ll get ya birthday cake candles that call you all sorts of nasty insults. Have a bloody geez at this!
As the story goes, the company that makes these fancy-pants candles reckon they spell the word ‘two’. I call bullsh*t. Well, OK, technically, if you turn ‘em around, they do, but have a look at that ‘W’. If it’s supposed to look like that it’s f**ked in the head.
And that ‘O’? Are you kidding me? Besides, why would you spell ‘2’ when you can just use the digit? I can see as well as you can that those candles spell ‘c**t’, and they don’t use asterisks.
Not that I have a problem with it. I’d get these candles for all me mates, and if they got ‘em for me, I’d be f**ken stoked. They’re the perfect precursor to a night on the piss for your mate’s birthday.
If you’re buying them for your toddler, you might run into some problems. You can picture it already can’t you? The missus and her conservative family have all come to wish little Christopher a happy f**ken birthday and they’ve gathered around the table in eager anticipation.
Your ladylove dims the lights; Christopher looks up from his brand new box of half-eaten Lego Junior to see you walking in with his cake. The candles are blazing, the family’s singing, it’s a special moment.
That’s when Nanna realises exactly what the candles say!
Final thought: Happy accident or deliberate set-up, there’s always a place for birthday presents that bring the banter. Best of all, once you’ve used these particular ones for your mate’s birthday piss-up, or your toddler’s special day, you can recycle the bastards when the mother-in-law’s birthday rolls around.