A Spokesman Has Offered An Explanation For The “Mad Pooper”
Remember the Mad Pooper? I know, I know, how could you forget? Well, there’s been a fresh, steaming development in the story and to be honest it smells a little funky. So here… is Mad Pooper story… Number two!
OK, back when we first dumped this story on you a week or so ago we actually said we were really looking forward to seeing her defend herself. Well, in classic Mad Pooper style, someone else has actually come out to clean up her mess.
In a bizarre twist to the story, the Mad Pooper has designated a spokesman to explain the reason she can just curl one down wherever she feels like it.
So why is it that she can’t just punish the porcelain like the rest of us? Why can she just free a bog crocodile, ignite a rectal rocket and slide one out when the rest of us poor shmucks have to wait till we get home – even if we are touching cloth, prairie-dogging or turtle-necking?
Well, according to her spokesman she – are you ready for this? – cannot control her bowels after a botched gender assignment surgery. She is also apparently suffering from a traumatic brain injury and is allowed to drop bombs wherever she wants because the First Amendment says so. Also, her name is Shirley. As in, Shirley he’s not serious with all of that.
Disclaimer: If she’s suffered that kind of horrifying bullsh*t, that’s dreadful and we hope she gets the help she needs. But (or should that be ‘butt’) a number of lawyers have sh*t on the idea that she’s protected by the first amendment.
Defence lawyer, Jeremy Loew told KRDO that “defecating in someone’s yard is definitely not protected under the first amendment and is actually a crime.”
What really stinks about this is that the guy in the video – which has since disappeared from YouTube – wouldn’t identify himself or give ‘Shirley’ a real name. According to KRDO, the spokesman said ‘the government cannot control where Shirley squirts the dirt, paves the Hershey highway or makes a grunt sculpture.’ You have no idea how much I wish he’d used those words. If you’ve got better ones chuck ‘em into the Facebook comments.
Anyway, he then compared baking a poopsicle on someone’s front lawn to breastfeeding in public. Yeah, nah, dude. Nah.
The good thing is it seems like more of this story will drop as time goes on. Hang in there, and we’ll keep you posted when more sh*t happens.