Scientists share the terrifying creatures they found in Australia’s 5km deep ocean

Every drongo and their dog knows that Ozzyland is full of wildlife that’ll box your bloody ears in, damage your dangly bits and maul your manhood. We’ve got sharks that’ll sabotage your sister, spiders that’ll spit in your sphincter and serial killers that’ll spoof in your cereal. Now, as if that’s not enough, a team of scientists has discovered tribe upon tribe of Lovecraftian monstrosities living in the deep dark waters off the coast of Oz!

Dumbo Octopus. Credit: Museums Victoria

As is always the cliché, we all know that the deepest crevices of the sea are one of the last frontiers for exploration. Of course, we’re finding out more and more about those deep crevices these days, and as we do we’re discovering more and more of the creatures that live down there.

Zombie worm. Credit: Museums Victoria

As we tend to find with all the creatures some well-meaning scientist discovers in the ocean’s stygian depths, the critters generally fall under the ‘what-the-f**k-is-that’ category of wildlife. Some of these pricks look like blobby lumps of gelatin, some look like they’d rip you a new rectum, and others just look gross.

Red spiny crab. Credit: Museums Victoria

Let’s start with the obvious talking point, the penis worm. I mean peanut worm. This thing looks like a mushroom on top of an elongated stem. It looks like a miniature stack-hat resting atop a cucumber. It looks like a cock. Yep. Like a cock.

Peanut worm. Snigger. Credit: Museums Victoria

And then there’s the sea-pigs. I don’t know about you, but I’m pretty sure I’ve seen these hanging on the wall in a sex-shop. They knobbly bits are added for her pleasure. At least that’s what I’ve been led to believe.

Sea Pig. Credit: Museums Victoria

Of particular note, I’m pretty certain we need to talk about the flesh-eating crustaceans. Sounding like something you’d find in an old EC Horror comic, these bastards wait for the rotting carcasses of dead whales, dolphins and anyone taken out to sea, tied to a concrete block and made to walk the plank, to float down to the bottom of the ocean where they do exactly what their name says they do.

Flesh-eating crustacean. Credit: Museums Victoria

There’s loads of other cool things here. Have a look, and ask yourself if the sharks really are the worst things hiding in Ozzyland’s waters.

Tripod Fish. Credit: Museums Victoria

Lizard fish. Credit: Museums Victoria

Coffinfish. Credit: Museums Victoria

Cookie cutter shark. Credit: Museums Victoria

Blob fish. Credit: Museums Victoria

Faceless Fish. Credit: Museums Victoria

Corallimorph. Credit: Museums Victoria

Brittle Star. Credit: Museums Victoria

Giant anemone-sucking sea spider. Credit: Museums Victoria

Pancake urchin. Credit: Museums Victoria

You can read all about these weird and wonderful creatures here.

Just in case you missed it, here’s one of Ozzy’s latest commentary videos…Ozzy Man Reviews: Flexible Women.

H/T: Bored Panda.