Police Dog performs CPR on police offer

Police Dog performs CPR on police offer

Dogs. They’re all bloody good boys and good girls and they’ll learn to do anything for a treat. They protect our families from f**kheads, they help blind c**ts get around without being run over, and they fetch newspapers for nothing but a scratch behind the ears and ‘good boy’ from their owners. They’re already pretty f**ken awesome, but Madrid’s police force have just levelled up their dog Poncho. The clever bugger now knows CPR!

This is a cracking vid. Check it out. It starts out with an unfortunate member of the Policia de Madrid suffering a sudden and severe episode of some description. I don’t know if it’s a heart attack or a stroke or a bloody epic brainfart, but he goes down like your mumma on two-dollar cocktail night!

"Live, dammit, live!" Credit: Policia Municipal Madrid

“Live, dammit, live!” Credit: Policia Municipal Madrid

Fortunately, Poncho, the f**ken legend; Poncho, the esteemed puppy-dog; Poncho, the goodest of all good boys, is on the bloody case. He has his cute little police puppy outfit on and he’s here to save a bloody life. Clear the way, bitches, Poncho has work to do.

"Don't leave me. Who will give me pats?' Credit: Policia Municipal Madrid

“Don’t leave me. Who will give me pats?’ Credit: Policia Municipal Madrid

He makes it to the prone policeman and he’s all like, “It’s all right, human, f**ken Poncho is here and everything’s going to be OK.” He gives the policeman a quick prod and then he’s into it. Look at him jump! There must be some springer spaniel in this good boy, because that’s quite a leap!

He jumps. He sniffs the policeman’s crotch. If the human does die, at least Poncho knows where the treats are. Back to work. Jump! Jump! F**ken CPR jump! Face-lick. Jump! Jump! F**ken CPR Jump!

What a good boy! Old mate is alive and well. Poncho has saved the day. Score one for dogs everywhere. Poncho proves once again what the best type of pet is. Take that, Cat-lovers. Tell Poncho that your cat wouldn’t just shrug its shoulders and go back to licking its paws if it saw you take a sudden fall.

F**ken dogs. They’re great!

Success! Pats for Poncho! Credit: Policia Municipal Madrid

Success! Pats for Poncho! Credit: Policia Municipal Madrid

Final thought: With this video as a starting point, we should demand a world full of trained CPR dogs. Imagine if you saw some f**k having a heart attack in the shops and instead of fetching the defibrillator yourself, you whistled for Poncho and he fetched it for you. He could do the CPR then give you two barks to tell you when to zap the victim! Now that would make for a better world!

Just in case you missed it, here’s one of Ozzy’s latest commentary videos…Ozzy Man Reviews: Rifle Check