Dead Humpback Whale has mysteriously turned up in the Amazon Rainforest
Just like Pauline Hanson celebrating NAIDOC week, you can add this to the list of s**t you don’t see everyday. The carcass of a dead whale calf has been found. On Land. In the f**ken bush!
The What the Actual F**k Facts:
- 10 tons of whale carcass found in the mangroves on an island called Marajo, off the coast of Brazil
- Believed to be a calf approx. 12 months old
- Found 15m away from the sea
Now 15m mightn’t seem very far, but when you’ve flippers for legs, you’re s’pose to stay in the f**ken water!!
The clever p**cks in lab coats have chocked this up to rising sea levels and high tides, and that the poor bastard was most likely dead before being washed up and getting tangled in the mangroves.
But that doesn’t explain why he was there in the first place, during this time of year he should be making his way up to Antarctica to freeze his balls off, not skipping through the tropical waters of f**ken Brazil!
The only reason the poor bugger was even found was because a flock of f**ken vultures, yes, actual dirty f**ken vultures, were seen circling his carcass like a pack of seagulls on a bag of hot chips.
Can you imagine the blokes that discovered it? “Oi Bruce!! Is this your f**ken whale carcass here? I’m bloody sick of you leavin’ random sh**t lying around all the f**ken time!”
Final Note: People are calling this strange, weird and all the rest of it… and I love chuckin’ on the ol’ tin foil hat for a half decent conspiracy theory as much as the next bloke. But this all seems pretty legit to me. Poor whale calf loses his beloved Mum and runs into the f**ken whale Reaper! Carcass washed up in high seas and left to provide sustenance for the flea bitten sky rats. And that my friends, is the f**ken circle of life!