Billionaire dies during penis enlargement surgery

Billionaire dies during penis enlargement surgery

This is gonna sound a bit grim, but that’s all right, because we don’t actually mean it to and it’ll all make sense in just a second. Here goes: have you ever considered where you’d like to die? At home in your bed seems like a common choice. Others suggest during some sort of extreme sport. Others have even been brazen enough to say they’d like to die during a root. On the flipside of that, where wouldn’t you like to die? Because, let’s be fair, where it happens says something about you…

A few people have died in dodgy places. Elvis died while dropping a chocolate crocodile, for example. Still, though, we dunno if it’s as bad as carking it when you’re in the middle of having your d*ck enlarged. Unfortunately for him, Ehud Arye Laniado, a Belgian-Israeli billionaire diamond trader, did just that.

Credit: CEN/EhudAryeLaniado

Look, there’s probably no shame in having your schlort e-schlongated, but there’s a connotation there, and that can’t be denied. There really is nubbin – I mean nothing – else you can say about it.

Anyway, according to reports, Laniado was a man who was eternally worried about his appearance and the only time he forgot about his height was when he asked his accountant to read his bank statement to him. To us, that seems fair. Lord Farquaad had his tower. Laniado compensated with money – and he used that money to get his chode enlarged.

Credit: CEN/EhudAryeLaniado

That’s not to suggest that it was the enlargement itself that killed him. Yeah, nah, it wasn’t like that. Laniado suffered a heart attack in the process. And, all jokes aside, that’s a really sh**ty time to go. He didn’t even get to have a look at it. Ah, well. When Grim says your time’s short, your time’s short.

Despite all of this, Laniado will be remembered for selling the most expensive diamond ever in 2015. Yeah, he was the bloke who sold the Blue Moon of Josephine for just under 50 million US dollars. Who needs a massive c**k when you’ve got coin like that!

The Blue Moon of Josephine – the most expensive diamond ever. Credit: Fair Use

Final thought: Jokes aside, Laniado was far more self-made than some recent claimants to that title have ever been and his journey from hotel masseuse to international Diamond Trader was one that left him drinking champagne with models more often than not. Laniado lived the dream – even if Belgian customs suspected him of playing funny buggers with his taxes. Seeya, mate. Rest in peace.

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