Woman’s monstrous fart lands her in prison after she pulls knife on customer
Despite the fact farts are quite obviously objectively funny, there are people out there in the world who don’t get the joke. On top of that, for some bizarre reason, not everyone is proud of their rectal rockets, their anal audio, or their butt blasts. In this story, we’re going to find out how a combination of these two kinds of people – neither of whom are much fun – resulted in a catastrophic turn of events for the woman who chose an inopportune moment to bake some trouser brownies in public…
First of all, let’s set the scene. You’re in the queue at the Dollar General store in Dania Beach, Florida. Up ahead of you, stands Shanetta Yvette Wilson. One minute, you’re all going about your business and wishing said line would move faster when Shanetta lifts a leg and brings the f**ken house down with the kinda fart that’d make an elephant proud.
Another bloke in the line, John Walker – whose name does seem to lend this an air of incredulity – takes offense at the methane dart. We’ve got no quotes, but if we just imagine he says something like, “Goddamn, bitch! Lay off the beans,” we’re no doubt somewhere in the right ballpark.
Of course, this is where things get a little hectic. Instead of taking it on the chin, trying to make a joke about it and excusing herself, Wilson reacts in explosive fashion. Humiliated, she whips a f**ken lock-back knife from her pocket and starts thrusting it at Walker.
According to reports, she threatened to gut Walker. After the event, Wilson was arrested and taken to the Paul Rein Detention Facility in Pompano Beach.mA Broward Sheriff’s Office complaint affidavit confirms that Wilson was arrested for aggravated assault with a deadly weapon without intent to kill.
A section of the affidavit reads, “Shanetta Yvette Wilson, 37, was in the checkout line at the Dollar General store on 120 S. Federal Hwy in Dania Beach on Sunday evening. John Walker, the customer standing next to her, got into a verbal dispute with her “in reference to the defendant farting loudly.”
Final thought: This seems like the sort of problem that could be avoided if people treated it with the humour it deserved. First of all, Walker could have held his nose and pretended not to notice, but we don’t know how f**ken rancid the fart was so maybe that wasn’t possible. Perhaps next time Wilson needs to leak from the cheeks, she should have someone pull her finger first. It always makes me laugh!
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H/T: MIAMI HERALD.