Scientists have confirmed where you should go during a zombie apocalypse

F**ken zombies! The walking dead! Skels! Shamblers! Biters! Lurkers! Whatever you wanna call ‘em, they’re a tonne of fun when it comes to fiction, and they always make for a great theoretical conversation about how you’d survive an epidemic of the b*stards! Of course, we all like to think we’d be the dude (or the dudette) with the chainsaw, the shotgun, and the flamethrower who’d cut a swathe through their herds and come out the other side as the sole survivor of humanity if zombies ever did actually rise up and walk the earth, but in reality, that’s a big fat ‘maybe’. Unless you pay attention to this research…

Rightio, ya big bloody dickheads, let’s imagine for a second that you’ve woken up to the news that the dead now walk among us. And if you’re a fast zombie bloke or blokette, you can imagine they run. We don’t discriminate here. The major question is, what the f**k do you do?

Well, these guys are f**ked. Credit: AMC

Well, according to new research, if you’re in a big city, you probably die and join the slavering swarm as they sweep across the land. So, er, sorry, we guess. City-dwellers, unless you can get out of town real quick, you’re on your way to Destination F**ked.

As for the rest of us, the research says the Rocky Mountains are the safest place due to its inaccessible nature and the sparse population. And that’s basically the key here: ease of access and population density. So if you’re in any other country, keep that in mind.

Ya can’t talk f**ken zombies without mentioning Bernie Wrightson’s work! Credit: Bernie Wrightson

So how did they work this sh*t out? Well, the American Physical Society – which is about physics, not colon inspections – was treated to a presentation by researchers from Cornell University. They read Max Brooks’ World War Z (great book, sh*t movie) and used standard disease models to predict how sh*t would go down.

Or f**ken Bub! Credit: United Films

They assumed some variables like speed of zombies, where the infection might possibly begin, interactions between various people, and of course, a bit of randomness over whether their hypothetical survivors get bitten and infected or manage to kill the zombie.

So there you have it, if you want to survive the inevitable zombie apocalypse, you need to weaponry, distance between you and the city, and a really hard f**ken place to enter.

Here’s 24 hours of the zombie outbreak from New York. Credit: github

Final thought: It’s all a bit of fun, but when it comes to explaining how diseases spread, models like this one actually provide a pretty f**ken good metaphor. Think of the zombie apocalypse as the far less interesting flu outbreak, and you’ve got a good idea of how an infection might spread.

Now, have a look at WatchMojo’s top ten zombie kills in movies…

Just in case you missed it, here’s one of Ozzy’s latest commentary videos…Ozzy Man Reviews: Ozzy Man

H/T: IFL Science.