Man pays off mortgage after winning on one cent bet
In a headshakingly humongous slice of blind luck, cheeky pommy b**tard Derek Marsden has had a f**ken screamer with his Goliath accumulator bet. Laying down just one penny, his series of wins left him needing a bloody ute to pick up the resulting payoff and fix up his brother’s mortgage!
Picture this sh*t. You have one British penny, which doesn’t even equate to two Ozzy cents – and that’s with the concession that two cent coins aren’t just copper coins with a frill-neck lizard on them that you remember from the distant past – and you use it to start off a Goliath accumulator bet of eight races.
Somehow, six of those races pay off and you’re left with over 27,000 pounds (over 48,000 Ozzy dollar-doos).
Once you’re done pinching yourself, you realise that this is sorely needed cash you could put to pretty f**ken necessary use. In Derek’s case, you call your brother, who’s struggling with his mortgage since he’s no longer able to work, and you tell the c**t it’s all f**ken good.
“Andy,” you say. “It’s all f**ken good, ya wanker. I bet one pence on the horses and I’ve f**ken won enough money to pay your mortgage off.”
Deadset, Derek, who seems like the duck’s nuts, the dog’s bollocks and the koala’s cojones to us, did exactly that. He straight up paid off his little brother’s mortgage – worth some twenty-one grand in Ozzy dollars. What a bloody legend.
Derek says, “If you can’t look out for your family, who can you look out for?” He says his parents brought him and his brother up to put family first and those lessons have stuck.
Thanks to Derek’s truly tops gesture, his brother, who’s survived three heart attacks and can’t work because of severe spinal injuries says he can’t thank his brother enough.
With the change, Derek’s buying a new car and taking his missus on a holiday to New Zealand. We’re not sure if there’s any truth to the rumour that he considered Ozzyland but wanted to avoid all the Kiwis so chose NZ instead.
Final thought: Apart from being jealous as f**k at Derek’s huge win – especially when he only bet one pence – you have to say he’s a man who deserves it considering where his heart is. F**ken top work, Derek. You sir, a gentleman, a scholar and top f**ken bloke!
As for the rest of you wankers, remember that Derek’s the lucky benefactor of a statistical anomaly. Don’t go betting more than you can afford in the hopes that the same thing happens to you!
Just in case you missed it, here’s one of Ozzy’s latest commentary videos…Ozzy Man Reviews: Octopus Escape