Fisherman jumps on entangled whale’s back, cuts it free
F**ken right on, blokes and blokettes, you read that sh*t right. Get ready to stand up, clap out a round of applause, shout a fella a beer and make a toast to his heroic arse. Deadset, some blokes are born heroes, and after you see this whale-friend risk life and limb to free a whale from a pretty f**ken ropey situation with a feat of derring-do, you’ll be pretty bloody certain he’s one of them…
The bloody top bloke in question goes by the name of Sam Synstelien, and according to Stan Lee’s rules of superhero naming etiquette, he already f**ken qualifies. Peter Parker, Reed Richards, Wade Wilson, Scott Summers, Jessica Jones, Matt Murdock and Sam Synstelien; it’s all in the alliteration and the mother**ker fits right in.
Anyway, Synstelien and his mate Nicholas Taron are commercial eel fishermen, and they were on their merry way back to Morro Bay in California, no doubt singing a wicked f**ken sea shanty about rum, mermaids and skeletal pirates when they saw a whale in distress. The great galoot was tangled in rope attached to a buoy.
“The whale was just swimming in counter-clockwise circles,” Taron told KNTV news. “You could tell he was stressed and being held to the bottom.” Unfortunately, the coast guard wouldn’t be able to help for hours. Unable to stand by and watch the whale struggle, the bloody legends called on the power of being mad c**ts and decided they’d save it in swashbuckling fashion.
With his knife held between his teeth, Synstelien leaps onto the gigantic creature’s back, hoping to cut it free while Taron does the hard bit and stands on the boat yelling encouragement. Eventually, Synstelien works his f**ken magic and frees the whale from its purgatory.
The two blokes were understandably stoked. No word yet on the whale’s thoughts, but we’re just going to assume it’s pretty f**ken chuffed with the fact it was rescued by such a pair of rad blokes.
Final thoughts: That’s how ya f**ken treat whales, Japan. You help the b*stards out, you don’t f**ken eat them for ‘scientific research’.
Just in case you missed it, here’s one of Ozzy’s latest commentary videos…Ozzy Man Reviews: Dance Floor Rituals