Doctors are warning people to not put frozen potatoes in their anus
For every bizarre as f**k headline you read online, you just know there’s a smartarse troll out there somewhere laughing his arse off. Deadset, think about the stories you come across that make you wonder why the f**k would anyone do that, and then ask yourself how they got there in the first place. Take today’s amazing headline as a case in point. A doctor’s literally had to explain why people shouldn’t do this, and we’re betting the original troll can’t believe his joke got traction in the first place.
So, er, yeah, before we give you the doctor’s quotes, we better give you some background info. Apparently, a Wales Online article is claiming that a website – which they haven’t named, so it could well be bulls**t – is recommending that people with piles freeze some taters and jam ‘em where the sun don’t shine.
They reckon that people with ‘roids are too embarrassed to go to the doctor and search up remedies online. One of them, they claim, is this:
“Here’s what you need to do: Peel a raw potato and cut into thin slices, like you do it for French fries. Put the slices into the freezer and wait until they are frozen. Insert the frozen potato slice in your anus and leave it inside for 30 seconds. Repeat the process for three to five days. The next three to five days leave the slice inside for 30 seconds more each time. The potatoes have astringent properties and help relieve the pain and itchy sensation which usually happens with this condition, while the ice cold potato constricts the blood vessels, reduces the swelling and relieves your pain instantly.”
Now, again, we’re gonna treat this like it’s for real, but we’re skeptical, and we f**ken hope no one can be this stupid. Anyway, if that’s not the advice of a master troll, we don’t know what is. And that brings us back to our first point. Although no one’s coming forward and saying they’ve done this, doctors have seen fit to come out and roast the idea.
Dr Diana Gall reckons, “There is no medical evidence that putting frozen potatoes inside the anus can help cure piles, so I would urge caution to anyone thinking of doing it. Piles often go away on their own after a few days, but there are some tried and trusted ways to keep them at bay. You should drink plenty of fluids, maintain a fibre-rich diet, and try having regular warm baths to ease itching and pain. If home treatments do not banish your piles, it is advised to go to your doctor and explore alternative treatments.”
So there you have it. Don’t pop a frozen spud up your butt.
Final thought: Look, while on the outside we’re hoping that no one’s actually done this, we’d be lying if we said a small part of us wasn’t like, ‘oh, man, I hope some numpty’s actually tried this.’ So, basically, it’s time to drop your own troll solution for piles into the Facebook comments. What would you recommend a sufferer does to alleviate the pain?
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