Safari tourist attempts to pat wild lion from car window, instantly regrets it

Safari tourist attempts to pat wild lion from car window, instantly regrets it

If there’s one piece of advice every wanker and their woman should keep in mind when they’re on safari, it’s this: keep your head, your arms, your limbs and your tits inside the vehicle at all times. Failure to do so may result in parts of your body being ripped off, digested and defecated all over the park.

One absolute numpty who, for some reason, forgot that advice is the bloke in today’s video. He clearly never saw the episode of The Simpsons where Herman explained to Bart that you really should keep your hands inside the bus when you’re told to.

Not smart. Credit: YouTube/Wildlife Sightings

Not smart. Credit: YouTube/Wildlife Sightings

We’ve got to say that it’s probably pretty bloody tempting to try and pat the lions. I mean, they’re usually so friendly and they’re always the good guys in kids’ literature so you can be forgiven for thinking they want to be your friend.

But…they don’t. They really f**ken don’t. If you’ve ever met a domestic cat, you know that it’s probably an absolute c**t. At the very least, it’s an arsehole. Lions are like domestic cats. They’re just bigger, and more capable of doing to you what fluffy the housecat does to mice. Yeah, ripping your f**ken limbs off and crunching your skull into tiny pieces.

"See? He likes it." Credit: YouTube/Wildlife Sightings

“See? He likes it.” Credit: YouTube/Wildlife Sightings

So, when old mate pats the lion through the window, you’re expecting the inevitable to happen. Fortunately, he gets off lucky. It doesn’t drag him through the window in the way The Blob drags the handyman down the sink drain in the 1988 version, but it does let him know he’s not very bloody happy.

“Roar,” the f**ken lion says. In Ozzy that means, “Don’t f**ken touch me, ya wanker!”

"No I don't f**ken like it, ya dipshit!" Credit: YouTube/Wildlife Sightings

“No I don’t f**ken like it, ya dipshit!” Credit: YouTube/Wildlife Sightings

Old mate packs his dacks so full of the brown stuff that he could stock a manure plant with it. As the lion gives him a bit of dressing down, he somehow manages to get the window closed. Good idea! The last thing you’d want is the lion pawing at you as you try not to be eaten by it.

"Ah shit!" Credit: YouTube/Wildlife Sightings

“Ah shit!” Credit: YouTube/Wildlife Sightings

Final thought: Pretty f**ken simple this one. Don’t touch the lions. They’ll f**k you up.

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Just in case you missed it, here’s one of Ozzy’s latest commentary videos…Ozzy Man Reviews: Soccer Dives

H/T: Daily Mail.