According to NASA This ‘Miracle’ Plant Found In Supermarkets Can Prevent Snoring

OK, Blokes and blokettes, if you’re anything like me and you’ve been accused of keeping your significant other awake with your snoring, Asda in the UK might have the answer…

Back when I was a young lad, pouch-high to a kangaroo and full of beans, I lived near a whole bunch of pineapple plantations. 

This was great. Due to a lack of fences and a dad who had his own nostalgic recollections of ‘scrumping’ in rural Kent in the UK, it meant free pineapples. 

If only I’d known at the time pineapple plants could stop the old b*****d snoring. I’d have taken one of the plants roots and all and put it in his room.

A really beautiful place to steal from, really. Credit: cyclelife hq

Fast forward twenty years and Asda are now selling pineapple plants as miracle snoring stoppers – and their claims are backed by the brainiacs at NASA. Yep, bloody NASA reckons pineapple plants ‘produce oxygen and improve air quality throughout the night.’ This means they’ll help your snoring partner (or you) sleep more soundly. Seems like a pretty good alternative to valium.

Snoring affects almost fifteen per cent of people on most nights according to the Sleep Health Foundation. That can be the cute little snores you find whimsical and endearing or the earth-shaking rattles that inspire thoughts of cold-blooded murder.

Pretty self-explanatory this one… Credit: Sleep health foundation

The Sleep Health Foundation, who must spend a lot of time watching people sleep (not creepy at all), reckon it’s caused by a wealth of factors:

• If, like me, you’re slightly on the portly side (which is a nice way of saying you’re a fat f***), the lard around your neck makes your throat narrower – meaning it vibrates more easily.
• Alcohol loosens the muscles in your throat and more vibration means more sound. That’s why the experts reckon you shouldn’t drink for three hours before bed. Fat chance of that though, right?
• Sleeping on your back means your tongue gets in the way of airflow. Again, that means more snoring.
• And a billion other things. I’m sure you didn’t come here for an essay about it, you can check it out here.

Anyway, back onto Asda and their pineapples: I could give you the sales pitch for their pineapple plants and tell you how they’re specially grown in Holland, but the reality is they’re pineapple plants.

If only she had a pineapple to beat him to death with. Credit: Getty

Your local nursery probably has one if you don’t have an Asda near you. Get the snoring wanker in your life one for Christmas. They’ll love it!

And just in case you want to grow your own, check out this video.

H/T: Unilad.