Must read fart guide for every couple that sleeps in the same bed
Ah, the humble fart. It doesn’t really matter who you are or where you come from, you fart. And whether you call it a fluff, an air biscuit, brown thunder, a mud duck or – if you’re a lady – whispering in your panties, you may be more or less okay with doing the two-cheek sneak in public. Of course, one time you have to be careful is when you’ve got a new partner. This handy guide will help you figure out exactly how you’re going to rip some material when the time finally comes…
Now this seems mighty reasonable doesn’t it? Of course, it’s also highly impractical. I mean, if you’ve just smashed five or six pints, eaten a kebab and topped it off with some buffalo wings, you’re going to be backwards and forwards a lot. If only there was some other way…
It’s a sound theory, but when your really playing the trouser tuba and the volume is cranked, this baby isn’t gonna cut it.
Got to be honest, this one’s a smooth move. Your own brand isn’t usually too bad. Apart from that one time last week when I’d been hitting up the red ale and the missus actually punched me and went to the spare bed for the night. That wasn’t pleasant.
Who hasn’t copped one of these in the night? Insidious is the only word capable of describing this kind of death breath.
It almost seems appealing doesn’t it?
Now this is just a gutless way to drop your guts. If you’re going to blast arse, kill the canary or drop the silly cyanide, you’ve got to be prepared to claim it. That’s half the fun.
You’ve gotta try doing this to the missus at least once.
Final thought: In the words of Eddie Murphy, “It’s the fart game, son. You’ll play it too one day.” Hit up the Facebook comments with your favourite method of letting the cheese wheeze, of cracking the rat, of sneezing in your briefs, and stitch the missus up while you’re at it. She’ll love you for it. We promise.
Just in case you missed it, here’s one of Ozzy’s latest commentary videos…Ozzy Man Reviews: Destination F Compilation
H/T: Bored Panda.