“My sex doll is much better than my wife”

We’ve spoken out about how bloody cool we think Japan is here at Ozzy Man Reviews on a number of occasions. That’s why we hope those legends will forgive us when we reiterate one very important fact. Some of their kinky sh*t is straight up weird. And don’t be worried, Japan, there’s nothing wrong with that; you do you, after all. We just find some of it a bit…well, a bit Japanese for our Ozzy tastes. Take these blokes and their fascination with their sex dolls for example…

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Right, so as you can see this article is about some Japanese blokes and their deep-running affection for their sex dolls. Which probably isn’t too much of a shock. We know Japan loves their kinks, but the extent to which these guys make their adoration for their toys public is – as we said before – a bit f**ken Japanese.

This first bloke, Masayuki Ozaki is 45 years old and he openly flaunts his relationship with his doll in front of his wife. To explain, he said, “After my wife gave birth, we stopped having sex and I felt a deep sense of loneliness. But the moment I saw Mayu in the showroom, it was love at first sight.”

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Naturally, Mrs Ozaki wasn’t happy. “My wife was furious when I first brought Mayu home. These days she puts up with it, reluctantly. When my daughter realized it wasn’t a giant Barbie doll, she freaked out and said it was gross — but now she’s old enough to share Mayu’s clothes.”

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Hang on. What the f**k, Ozaki? You had us for a while there, but your daughter shares your sex doll’s clothes? Slap yourself in the head ya big bloody weirdo.

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Explaining just why his doll, Mayu, is so great, he says. “Japanese women are cold-hearted. They’re very selfish. Men want someone to listen to them without grumbling when they get home from work. Whatever problems I have, Mayu is always there waiting for me. I love her to bits and want to be with her forever. I can’t imagine going back to a human being. I want to be buried with her and take her to heaven.” Mate, I don’t think a human woman would have you.

F**ken crikey.

All right, who’s up next? Ah, f**k me, this bloke’s even worse. He’s got framed photos of his sex doll on the wall and he takes her surfing. Step right up, Senji Nakajima. Let’s see what he has to say for himself.

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“Human beings are so demanding. People always want something from you — like money or commitment. My heart flutters when I come home to Saori. She never betrays me, she makes my worries melt away.”

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Ah, bloody hell, Senji. Who hurt you? Who hurt you like this? Anyway, he’s another one who’s told his kids about his sex dolls. Let me reiterate, what the f**k? “My son accepts it, my daughter can’t, but I’ll never date a real woman again — they’re heartless.” The irony is killing me here.

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Anyway, his doll sleeps next to the broken bits of two other dolls he has previously had relationships with. Deadset, he sleeps with Saori next to two dolls from previous ‘relationships’ and a headless rubber torso. F**KEN RUN, SAORI. HE’S CLEARLY GOING TO KILL YOU!!!

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Senji also points out that he’s done with human women, explaining he could never reconcile with his wife because, “I wouldn’t be able to take a bath with Saori, or snuggle up with her and watch TV. I don’t want to destroy what I have with her.”

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Finally, Yoshitaka Hyodo lives with ten dummies that he dresses in combat uniforms to live out wartime fantasies. “Now, commit hari-kari with my dick!”

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He says the dolls are better than real women because they are, “Less stress and they complain a lot less than women.” Having said that though, he’s apparently cut down on rooting his dolls because “It’s more about connecting on an emotional level for me now.” Yeah, f**ken sure you have, Yoshitaka, sure you have.

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Final thought: Look, we’re big believers in each to their own, and if people want to have sex dolls in the privacy of their own home, we won’t judge that. What we will judge though is sharing the fact with your wife and kids – and of course, sleeping with dismembered ones. Have some bloody shame, Japan. Ya kinky buggers.

Just in case you missed it, here’s one of Ozzy’s latest commentary videos…Ozzy Man Reviews: Instant Karma

H/T: NYPOST.