The sex-toy that lets you have sex just with your balls

It’s probably reasonable to say that any discussion about sex toys can open a can of worms. Yeah, nah, questions like ‘how does that work?’ ‘Why would that feel good?’ and ‘but why?’ Can all be more than sensible questions when its time for kink, and we reckon that this particular sex-toy, the Balldo, might be the kinda thing that’s only a certain kinda person’s bag.

OK, so after reading a review of this thing, we had to share it here, not because it seems like the kinda thing you’d be into, but because it’s certainly got us wondering just what-the-f**k the inventors were thinking.

Credit: Simon Doherty

And look, there’s probably no better way to get started with that than this brief description from the writer of the review, Simon Doherty, “I shaved my balls as instructed, lubed up and put on the cage, beginning with the huge tip, which looked like a small rocket and made my balls bulge out on either side. Then I slid the spacer rings – essentially thick rubber bands made of silicone – up past the cage and my balls to make my sack taut. Now that my testicles were squished into a penis-like shape, I tried to jack them off, but that didn’t feel good; in fact, it kind of hurt. It was about as sexy as getting an STI check-up.”

Credit: Simon Doherty

Of course, this might be exactly the kinda thing you go nuts for, so if it is, you know, f**ken jam ‘em in there. Other parts of Doherty’s review might make your own balls clench. “The main problem,” he reckons, “is that trying to fuck someone with your balls is like simultaneously attempting to push two bowling balls back through the machine that delivers them to the players.”

Credit: Balldo

So yeah, to say it doesn’t go well is a bit of an understatement, and for Doherty, the Balldo wasn’t his cup of tea. He reckons his “dick flopped around on top like a lonely Wacky Waving Inflatable Arm Flailing Tubeman at a threesome he wasn’t invited to – not a sight he’ll forget any time soon.”

Credit: Balldo

All said and done, we’ll leave you with his final thoughts on the Balldo: “In conclusion, yes, it turns out you can actually fuck someone with your balls. But just because you can, doesn’t mean you should.”

Final thought: As you know, we don’t want to kink-shame here at Ozzy man Reviews. If this appeals to you, we reckon you should go for it. For us, though, we’re just gonna take Doherty’s advice. A man’s spuds are delicate things. We’ll just leave it at that.

Just in case you missed it, here’s one of Ozzy’s latest commentary videos…Ozzy Man Reviews: Cats Being Dodgy #5

H/T: VICE.