Octopus attacks sheila and sucks onto her face as she attempts to eat it alive

The food chain is a pretty f**ken important part of life on earth. It deems that every critter great, small and tasty gets to be eaten by something – unless it’s at the top of the chain. Of course, that doesn’t mean those animals that are deemed fodder for bigger and hungrier creatures have to like it. Yeah, nah, they’re quite entitled to flip a big f**k you to anyone or anything that wants to eat them, and thanks to their natural defences, they often do. Sometimes, like when a sheila tries to eat a live octopus on a streaming video, that s**t can be pretty amusing.

Our case in point for today’s lesson is the live-streaming Chinese sheila, apparently named Seaside Girl Little Seven, who thought she’d munch down on a feisty octopus.

Now, as you know, octopuses aren’t stupid. As far as wildlife goes, these tentacle little b**tards are f**ken problem solvers.

This one, not too keen on being eaten for bloody laughs, solved his problem the easiest way he knew how.

Credit: Weibo/Dan Yao Bu Ji Jun/Kuaishou

He f**ken slapped that sheila with his tentacles and latched on. When you watch the video, we recommend turning the sound down, because the sheila’s cries are pretty bloody annoying, but you can tell this cephalopod had just finished watching the alien movies.

Credit: Weibo/Dan Yao Bu Ji Jun/Kuaishou

Deadset, the sheila tries to cram him in her gob and he’s like, ‘Yeah, nah, F**K YOU! Check out me bloody face-hugger impression.

I’m gonna stick a chestburster in ya guts, ya hag. Just you f**ken wait.”

Credit: Weibo/Dan Yao Bu Ji Jun/Kuaishou

As she pulls at the tentacles, trying to get the cranky little bloke off, she has a proper whinge.

First of all, how’s me phrasing there? Second of all, that sound she’s making?

That’s the sound of regret. Once she’s finally pulled the octopus off (snigger), it looks like he’s had a crack with his beak – she’s bleeding.

Still, she’s a trooper and vows that she’ll get him back next week.

Credit: Weibo/Dan Yao Bu Ji Jun/Kuaishou

Final thought: Yeah, nah, eating s**t while it’s still alive is actually pretty f**ked. Like, we’re not vegans or anything, but we reckon you’ve gotta bloody kill s**t before you chow down on it. What do you blokes and blokettes reckon?

Just in case you missed it, here’s one of Ozzy’s latest commentary videos…Ozzy Man Reviews: Game of Thrones Season 8 Episode 4

Video Link: Learn in 15 Minutes