Man’s ass falls out after sitting on the toilet too long playing games on his phone
In horrifying news straight out of China, a man playing phone games on the toilet has suffered a terrible, terrible injury…
We all know there’s nothing quite so relieving, relaxing and reliable as an after-work sh**. You come home, park the car in the garage, kick off your shoes and make your way to the throne-room. Once there, you drop trow, load up some video games on the trusty mobile phone and settle in for the long haul.
Sure, you’re laying cable, you’re growing a monkey tail, you’re committing treason against the porcelain throne and bathing in the glorious aromas of your brand, but more importantly, you’re unwinding, taking a break, basking in the glory of the only moments in the day that are truly yours.
Then, before you know it, you’ve been in there thirty minutes and your ass falls out. Literally.
That’s exactly (more or less) what happened to a Chinese bloke from Guangdong Province just recently. So as not to cause the poor man more shame than he deserves, his name has not been released, but apparently, the story goes like this…
Fresh from work, Mr No Name from China had jerked his turds loose, negotiated the release of all his chocolate hostages and left behind some gorilla fingers. Yeah, he was well and truly into his game. We can pretend it wasn’t Candy Crush, but we all know that it probably was.
Anyway, he was well and truly into his game when a strange lump poked its ugly head out of his anus. Remembering that he hadn’t been playing with any gerbils on that particular day, he decided he’d better go to the hospital.
Turns out that lump was his actual rectum and he’d suffered a prolapse. I’ll save you all the gory details. You can read those here if you really want to know.
Long story short, surgeons removed the lump and old mate is now recovering. The surgeon, Dr Su, warned that anyone who sits on the toilet for an extended period of time adds undue pressure to their anus and may suffer the same fate.
Final thought: Next time you need to pay your sewer taxes, stock the pond, bomb porcelain harbour, take a tour of doody or drop potatoes in the crock-pot remember not to play games, just get in, get out and let nothing but the stench linger.
Just in case you missed it, here’s one of Ozzy’s latest commentary videos…Ozzy Man Reviews: Wushu