Can the Corona-virus be spread through farts?

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Can the Corona-virus be spread through farts?

Yeah, nah, while we were all being warned that we had to maintain distance, cover our mouths when we coughed, wash our hands regularly and not f**ken sneeze; the experts were sleeping on what might be the worst possible way to catch Covid-bloody-19. Airborne poo-particles sent misting through the air courtesy of a ripping fart. Fair dinkum, experts are now saying the virus can be spread through a bit of old-fashioned flatulence.

Mount Sinai South Nassau-based epidemiologist, Dr Aaron E Glatt reckons, “Studies have shown that a significant percentage of COVID-19 patients have gastrointestinal symptoms at the time of illness presentation.”

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That s**t explains why Dr Norman Swan of the Coronacast – an Australian Broadcasting Corporation initiative – is saying, “No bare-bottom farting.” He’s also saying that even though our clothes usually catch the poo particles sent seeping into the air when you blast some arse, some might still get through.

“I think that what we should do in terms of social distancing and being safe is that … you don’t fart close to other people, and that you don’t fart with your bottom bare,” he reckons.

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He’s not the only one, though. Another Ozzy doctor, Dr Andy Tagg has asked whether thundering out a heinous volley of methane missiles constitutes an aerosol-generating procedure. The Association for Professionals in Infection Control and Epidemiology have said even flushing the loo can allow the virus to travel on aerosolized borry-bits, and Tagg reckons farts could do the same.

So, yeah, while there’s probably never a good time to be near someone who’s got a severe case of the farts, now might be an even better time to resist pulling your mate’s finger. Yeah, nah, after all that social distancing, it’d be a real shame if you got in an elevator right after an asymptomatic bugle-butt had left you a ‘present’.

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Wear a mask and remember that two sniffs isn’t just greedy, it’s downright dangerous.

Final thought: Yeah, look, obviously, this is a lot of conjecture built up by twisting various studies and reports into one story, but is it worth the risk? Yeah, nah. Chuck on your mask, and whack a couple of tampons up your nostrils for good measure. It’s the safe thing to do.

Just in case you missed it, here’s one of Ozzy’s latest commentary videos…Ozzy Man Reviews: Destination F Compilations #12