Sheila’s implant saves her life in what appears to be a medical first
Mate, once you’ve read this story, you’ll be wondering if there’s anything these things can’t do. Yeah, nah we all know that bloody jubblies are pretty special, what with their ability to feed the young, and impress the old, but did you know that if they’re supported by just the right amount of silicone, they can stop bullets? If you didn’t, it’s all good. We didn’t have a clue either. Until now. Check this gear out.
Rightio, imagine you’re working the counter in the local hospital’s trauma department when a sheila comes strolling in and says, “Yeah, I’ve been shot in the funbag. Can you have a f**ken squiz for me?”
Obviously, you’d send the work-experience kid off to stop him cracking a fat, and you’d be like, “Shot, you say? Why aren’t you rolling around like a soccer player who’s felt a slight breeze?”
She’d just look at you and go, “Yeah, bazookas. What can I say?”
In all seriousness, though, don’t let our ridiculous story scare you off. A sheila legitimately rocked up to the hospital in Toronto in 2018 and let doctors know she’d copped a bullet to the bazooma.
Doctors reckon, “The trauma team was in disbelief at how well she was. The bullet wound entry was on the left pec, but the rib fracture was on the right side. The bullet entered the skin on the left side first, and then ricocheted across her sternum into the right pec and broke her rib on the right side.”
Apparently, she was pretty much fine and dandy because her silicon chesticles saved her life.
McEvenue, one of the treating surgeons, said:
“She was talking — the trauma team was in disbelief at how well she was. The bullet wound entry was on the left breast, but the rib fracture was on the right side. The bullet entered the skin on the left side first, and then ricocheted across her sternum into the right breast and broke her rib on the right side.”
The story’s just come out in the SAGE Medical Journal, and surgeon Giancarlo McEvenue reckons it one of only a handful of times a implant has saved a sheila’s life, and it’s definitely the first time such an event has been recorded.
The shooter remains unknown and the firearm was never recovered.
Final thought: So there you have it. Silicon tits can stop bullets. Time to give all our soldiers a nice set of jubblies. It might be a bit distracting at first, but at least it’d keep ‘em safe from harm while they’re out on deployment. Thoughts?
Just in case you missed it, here’s one of Ozzy’s latest commentary videos…Ozzy Man Reviews: Gaming Fails #2