All humans have the same parents, scientists claim
G’day, ya big bloody boofheads. We hope you’ve brought your lab coats today, because we’re gonna check out some of the latest goss from the world of Science. What’s that goss exactly? Well, it seems a couple of blokes have recently proposed a new theory of evolution. As you know, evolution’s one of the big ticket debates in the war of science v religion. This latest suggestion puts forward claims that all humans came from two solitary humans who lived a hundred-thousand to two-hundred-thousand years ago…
Bloody hell. That seems like a pretty big claim to me. Add in the fact that they reckon ninety per cent of animals all spring from a single set of parents and you’ve got a f**ken doozie on ya hands. Also, for clarification – that’s not like one super species giving birth to ninety per cent of the world’s species, it means each species had its own individual set of two parents. Making sense?
Right, these scientists also reckon that all of the animal species originated at about the same time as the human ones. These scientists, Senior Research Associate Mark Stoeckle and Research Associate David Thaler of the University of Basel, Switzerland, seem to suggest that this means after some big bloody extinction-level event, all the species had to f**ken respawn and start again.
“This conclusion is very surprising,” Thaler admitted, “and I fought against it as hard as I could.”
Deadset, they’re saying it’s possible that there’s an inbuilt human evolutionary process where we break down and die out, meaning we have to start from scratch again later. To come up with their theory, they mined a whole bunch of data from genetic databases and reviewed a whole bunch of evolutionary literature.
Dr Stoeckle added, “At a time when humans place so much emphasis on individual and group differences, maybe we should spend more time on the ways in which we resemble one another and the rest of the animal kingdom.”
Final thought: When it comes to the all-important questions, this one is always up there. Obviously, it’s a pretty philosophical one and we all want to know exactly where we came from. But, when you think about it, it doesn’t really matter. We’re here, we drink beer and we’re full of f**ken cheer. All these theories are just, like, opinions, man.
Just in case you missed it, here’s one of Ozzy’s latest commentary videos…Ozzy Man Reviews: Instant Karma
H/T: Daily Mail.