Sheila caught on CCTV camera pumping a massive sh*t on stranger’s driveway
Living in a world where you could be on camera at pretty much any given time has its ups and downs. For an up, just consider you’re caught in some sort of accident or implicated in some sort of crime, but the CCTV footage clears your name. That’s not a bad thing by any stretch of the imagination. What might suck though is this: you’re prairie-dogging and you are just not going to make it to a toilet before the little critter leaves the burrow for good. In a desperate final bid not to shit yourself you opt for a secluded driveway…where you’re on candid camera.
That’s exactly what seems to have happened to the latest dump-and-run delinquent to get their face – and their faeces – internet famous. Yeah, we’re back at it. We’re going to pump another poo story out for ya.
We’re travelling to the UK for this one, and once we’re there, we’re heading to Cheltenham. That’s where a woman, who presumably thought she’d found the most private place on offer, blasted a butt crayon on private property – and had herself filmed in the process.
But don’t take our words about this woman crimping off a length as your only source of information. Not when you can hear from the people who own the now profaned driveway.
“When me and my boyfriend got up, we looked at the CCTV footage and thought, who is this woman and what is she doing? The woman took a look at the front door as if she was looking to get into the back garden, then she went around the back for a couple of minutes. We went outside to see what she may have been up to and when we opened the door, the smell hit us.”
Those are the words of Hannah Lawton, a 21 year-old student. And that wasn’t all she had to say. Apparently, the woman in charge of the dookie delivery is quite capable of punishing the porcelain with a beastly borry.
“I mean, the flies that were on it, there were loads of them,” Lawton said. “The other thing is the size of it, it was huge. They must have been keeping that in for days.”
So how did Lawton get rid of it? Well, she had her man do it for her.
“I had to supervise my boyfriend getting rid of it and he put it in the composter but you could hear him gagging. There was no way that I could bring myself to do it and we did not have any other way of disposing of it either. I didn’t know whether to laugh, cry or be angry, but the neighbours were walking past and I didn’t want them to think it was us.”
Got to keep up those appearances.
Final thought: Ladies, gentleman, crafty crappers, the days of curling off a steamer in public are gone. You can’t just sh*t in someone’s bird-bath or defecate on someone’s driveway anymore. You never know when you’re going to be on camera. Remember to ride the ceramic carthorse before you leave the house. It’s the only way to be sure.
Just in case you missed it, here’s one of Ozzy’s latest commentary videos…Ozzy Man & Mozza Review: French Outdoor Urinals
H/T: New York Post.