Chuck Steinway

Chuck, not his real name, is a Brisbane writer and teacher. He writes radio commercials, feature articles, short stories and longer-form fiction. You can read his fiction in Dark Moon Digest 32/33 from Perpetual Motion Machine Publishing. It's got crocodiles! http://perpetualpublishing.com/product/dark-moon-digest-issue-32-33/

The Bellyflop Championship is the best f*cken sport on the planet

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Ooh yeah, ladies and gents, sheilas and wankers, how the f**k are ya? Hopefully you’re feeling like something of an armchair sportsman (or lady) (or whatever), because footage of the highly anticipated belly-flop cham...

Doctors invent new tool to dislodge 23-inch dildo from bloke’s ass

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Every now and then, we’re all faced with a problem that’s a little bit humiliating to bring up in a public setting. A small problem that’s slightly awkward to talk about. A tiny little dilemma that we’re not sure, we ...

Must read fart guide for every couple that sleeps in the same bed

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Ah, the humble fart. It doesn't really matter who you are or where you come from, you fart. And whether you call it a fluff, an air biscuit, brown thunder, a mud duck or - if you're a lady - whispering in your panties...

Russia is opening a Jurassic Park-Style cloning facility to revive extinct species

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OK, ladies and gentlemen, rightio, sheilas and wankers, it’s time we set the record straight. We hear that it’s a bad idea to revive long-extinct species too bloody often. We’re told that what’s dead should stay dead ...

Tesla billionaire Elon Musk gets blazed with Joe Rogan

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You’ve probably heard of Elon Musk. He’s kind of a big deal in the world of technology and engineering. His public image as the brains behind a socially responsible company that likes to think about sustainable and ef...

Bishop apologises after being caught groping Ariana Grande at Aretha Franklin’s funeral

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You might remember a while back when we talked about the dirty old git groping Mel B on live television, we figured out the only thing you could do was name and shame the b*stard in the hope it would stop their busy, ...

Women explain the things they hate guys doing that they learnt from porn

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It’s been said a thousand times, but guys and girls are different. To quote Kindergarten Cop, guys have a penis and girls have a vagina. When you put them together, it’s supposed to be an enjoyable experience for ever...

Sheila caught on CCTV camera pumping a massive sh*t on stranger’s driveway

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Living in a world where you could be on camera at pretty much any given time has its ups and downs. For an up, just consider you’re caught in some sort of accident or implicated in some sort of crime, but the CCTV foo...

Couple get hitched in first Viking wedding in almost 1000 years

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The f**ken Vikings! Considering they're popularly known to be vicious, visceral and violent, most of you probably think of attacks on isolated monasteries, horned helmets and awesome television shows when you think of...

Poor bloke gets stung on the dick by stingray

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Ah, f**k, this isn’t good. This isn’t good at all. In fact, for the dude involved, it’s absolutely, positively, without a doubt, f**ked. We all know that stingrays, despite the fact they’re often seen as big gentle gi...

Huge huntsman spider devours a f*cken gecko

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Oh f**k yes, it’s time for another episode of Big F**ken Spider, the Ozzy game show where we show off our spiders and marvel at their ability to grow really bloody big. In today’s episode, we’re heading to the little ...

Bloke blends up an iPhone and drinks it

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Righto blokes and blokettes. How the bloody hell are ya? Hopefully you’re not in too much shock after reading that headline, but yeah, this video certainly puts some mileage on the theory that just because you can, do...

Rapper Hopsin loses his sh*t when Eminem name-checks him on new album

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As you’re probably well aware, Eminem’s anticipated as-f**k new album, Kamikaze was surprise-released last week. Obviously, this is big news in the music world. So when Slim casually tweeted a link to the album, bloke...

Dodgy store caught selling fish with fake googly eyes stuck on

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Aye-aye-aye! This latest story is o-fish-ally off the hook! As you know, there’s nothing worse than seafood that isn’t as fresh as it should be, and as a discerning customer of the fishmonger, you wouldn’t want to be ...

Vegetarian dog embarrasses the f*ck out of his owner on live TV

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G’day, ya wankers, how are ya? Hopefully you’re doing bloody grouse, and if you’re not, this video should cheer you right up. It’s a supposedly vegetarian dog making a really tough choice: bowl of meat or bowl of vegg...