Chuck Steinway

Chuck, not his real name, is a Brisbane writer and teacher. He writes radio commercials, feature articles, short stories and longer-form fiction. You can read his fiction in Dark Moon Digest 32/33 from Perpetual Motion Machine Publishing. It's got crocodiles! http://perpetualpublishing.com/product/dark-moon-digest-issue-32-33/

Man’s ass falls out after sitting on the toilet too long playing games on his phone

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In horrifying news straight out of China, a man playing phone games on the toilet has suffered a terrible, terrible injury… We all know there’s nothing quite so relieving, relaxing and reliable as an after-work sh*...

The moment Andy Dick had to be removed from The Jimmy Kimmel Show for groping Ivanka Trump

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I don’t know about you, but I’ve always thought the rule ‘hands and feet to yourself’ was a pretty good one. Generally speaking, unless someone wants you to share your extremities with them, you really shouldn’t – eve...

These monkeys from Panama have entered The Stone Age

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Monkeys are pretty bloody awesome little critters. They can wear hats, they can smoke cigars, and they can steal your f**ken wallet. In some ways, they’re already nearly human. The only thing holding them back has bee...

Awesome bear goes for a swim in blokes backyard, drinks margeritas, then takes a nap

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F**K YES! When it comes to having a great time on a hot day, this legendary bear has shown the residents of a California neighbourhood exactly how it’s done. In fact, considering his impressive itinerary, this bear ha...

Australia will now fine parents twice a month if they fail to vaccinate their kids

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Vaccinations are a common internet topic. To hazard a guess, they’re probably brought up almost as much as the (ahem) prospect of a flat earth, and there always seems to be someone pushing discredited theories about t...

Poachers eaten alive by lions after illegally breaking in to target rhinos

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You know we f**ken love wildlife here at Ozzy Man Reviews, so it’s with great ‘sadness’ that we inform you of the terrible circumstances that befell a group of poachers in South Africa earlier this week: the c**ts wer...

The Internet is shutting down anti-vaxxers one by one

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If there’s one thing that makes me happy on the internet, it’s watching anti-vaxxers being smacked down by people who actually know what they’re talking about. In a world where people are free to spill whatever bullsh...

Manager sacked over cruel text messages to employee whose son was on life support

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If any part of you is a decent person, you’ll know that when someone you work with is doing it rough, particularly if one of their loved ones or family members is in a bad way, you help ‘em out by doing a little extra...

Elephant rushes to the rescue of his caregiver after he’s “attacked”

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Elephants are f**ken majestic bastards. Despite their behemoth size, they're well known for their intelligence, their ability to build strong emotional bonds, and their ability to stick up for their mates when some pr...

NASA preparing 17-year-old girl to become first human to reach Mars

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I’m not sure about you wankers, but when I was seventeen my usefulness to the human race was pretty bloody limited. I’m sure you can relate. After all, most seventeen-year-olds are just big kids in what’s sort of star...

Students surprise broke as f**k teacher who’s been sleeping in his classroom

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I’m not gonna f**ken lie to ya, teaching is a profession near and dear to my heart, so when I see that some poor b*stard in Brazil has effectively been squeezed out of three months’ worth of pay by his bosses but stil...

Sheila finds out her boyfriend is cheating thanks to takeaway delivery guy

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Damn! Imagine thinking you’re getting away with one on the side only to get stitched up by a delivery driver. F**k me sideways. Talk about a Days of Our Lives plot-twist. Anyway, that exact scenario happened to one do...

Someone drew a penis so big it can be seen from space

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Anyone bloke who’s ever been to school has drawn a mighty schlong in someone else’s notepad. F**k, anyone who’s had a mate leave his or her notepad unguarded for as long as it takes to sketch a badly rendered beaver b...

‘Dead’ woman found alive in morgue fridge

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For some, the thought of being surrounded by dead bodies is a real fear. It’s even got a name: Necrophobia. Yep, for some reason, the idea of looking around a room and seeing nothing but lifeless corpses, toe-tagged a...

Tupac murder suspect confesses further involvement after being diagnosed with cancer

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The death of hip-hop legend, Tupac, is one of the most infamous events in the history of not just hip-hop itself, but music in general. It’s been the subject of a fair few documentaries over the years, and loads of al...