Chuck Steinway

Chuck, not his real name, is a Brisbane writer and teacher. He writes radio commercials, feature articles, short stories and longer-form fiction. You can read his fiction in Dark Moon Digest 32/33 from Perpetual Motion Machine Publishing. It's got crocodiles! http://perpetualpublishing.com/product/dark-moon-digest-issue-32-33/

Bloke phones Internet provider to complain that he can’t beat his meat

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Have you blokes ever heard of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs? If you have, you’ll get the gist of this pretty quickly, but if you haven’t, it’s basically a list of the things that are essential to the human experience. U...

Sansa Stark chugs her wine on the Jumbotron like a f***en champion

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The bloody Jumbotron is one of the highlights of any sporting contest. It provides everyday people with a chance to stake their claim to fame. To do something funny, sweet, memorable or downright epic. It might be a d...

Straight bloke accidentally starts dating… another bloke

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Yeah, we know what that headline says and, ha ha, yeah, yeah, f**ken nah, it’s not bulls**t, it’s completely on the f**ken level. Well, it is on the internet, but ya know...it's as legit as you can expect. Basically, ...

Flat Earthers are planning an expedition to the edge of the world

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You’ve seen the memes, you’ve read the roasts and you’ve enjoyed the hype, but now it’s finally come time for the Flat Earth Movement to do something they could have done ages and ages ago. Yeah, deadset, they’ve fina...

Bloke conducts experiment to work out what the f*** the dials on ya toaster mean

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It doesn’t matter where you’re from or what you believe, there’s always going to be at least one thing that can bind humans from all over the globe for the common good. We reckon a mad feed could probably have a fair ...

F*** off big muscular monkey spotted at Zoo

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You’re all probably aware that the world had to say goodbye to Roger the Buff Kangaroo recently. It was a sad moment, and we’ll always remember the mad rooter fondly. He was big, he was buff and he was cranky as f**k....

This trailer for a reimagined Fresh Prince of Bel Air looks f***en awesome

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It’s been said a metric s**tload of times, but mainstream Hollywood seems almost devoid ideas with the way it’s remaking, rebooting and reimagining classics and capitalising on our nostalgic love for the old s**t. Wha...

The “Barking Dog Man” is back 9 years later, and he’s still f**ken got it!

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One of the greatest gifts the internet can bestow on us is the arrival of a new viral legend. A One-Vid Wonder if you will. There’s been f**ken heaps of the b**tards over time, but one of the all-time classics has to ...

The last photos of legendary “Queen of the Elephants”

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As far as animals go, you’ve got to admit that the elephant is a f**ken bewdy. Think about it: as big as a brick s**thouse? F**ken check. Ability to s**t-mix c**ts with their f**ken legendary trunks? Also f**ken check...

Scientists have successfully reversed time in a quantum computer

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Considering some of the dodgy s**t that goes on in the world today, there are probably a few people who wish they could turn back the clock and have another crack at a few things in their lives. And why not, this scen...

Bloke robs sheila at ATM, returns her money after seeing bank balance

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We’re all familiar with the story of Robin Hood. He’s the plucky fox who steals from the rich and gives to the poor. And, yeah, we know, he comes in many guises. Sometimes he’s a Golden Age actor with a massive dong. ...

Kid refuses to move legs on train, someone captured his reaction when bloke sits on him

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One of the best things about being human is the fact we’re acutely aware of the power of facial expression. When something happens that moves us emotionally, we react. It’s part of what makes our existence as almost b...

Woolly Mammoth-infused cells show f***en signs of biological activity after 28,000 years

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G’day ya big woolly mammoth loving mother**kers. How ya doing? Hopefully, the answer to that question is ‘bloody grouse!’ If it’s not, we’ve got something that’ll cheer you right the f**k up. A while back, we told you...

Bloke decodes nail art to save guys from dating the “crazy sheilas”

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Usually when we greet you all, we take special care to greet both the blokes and the blokettes. Not today, though. Yeah, nah, today, we’ve got a special post just for the blokes out there in the comments. We know that...

Voice actor brilliantly trolls scammer over the phone and records it

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There really aren’t many life-forms lower than a bloody scammer. In fact, we’re hard-pressed to think of any. Just for starters, we can rule out any life form with a spinal cord. S**t, we can pretty much rule out anyt...