Mother And Son Survive 10 Days In Outback Using These Bear Grylls Techniques
I’ve always thought that Bear Grylls would be the kind of bloke you’d need with you if you ever became lost in the outback. Of course, you’d have to run the risk of him eating you if there was no other food about, but he’s one wanker who can make our great southern land look like a bloody five-star hotel.
When you think you’re about to die of dehydration, he’s there squeezing water out of stale turds, pissing through his shirt to filter out the chunky bits and syphoning foul water into his arsehole with a crusty bit of pipe. It might be tough out there, but that’s when tough blokes and blokettes like him get going.
Of course, we’ve been fortunate enough to have him share his knowledge with us through a range of television series that make everyone feel like they’re Robinson f*****g Crusoe. The plus side of that is that his survival techniques – which sometimes seem positively batsh** – can actually save lives.
Case in point: Mother and Son, Michelle and Dylan Pittman. These hardy buggers just survived 10 days stranded in the outback thanks to Bear and his television show. Now, I don’t want to hyperbolise, but that’s f*****g immense. The Ozzy outback is a place that can really bend you over and slip you the old didgeridoo. You digeridon’t want to be caught there without at least a vegemite sandwich and a pop-top.
After mistaking a dried up creek-bed for a walking trail, the two Bear Grylls enthusiasts got lost and had to resort to licking dew off of leaves and digging into the water table to get clean water. Finally, after ten days of gruelling bullsh**, the two made it out onto the road where they were rescued by a passing policeman.
Astoundingly, despite the veritable army of drop-bears, snakes, serial killers and spiders trying to eat them, the pair made it back to civilisation with only a few insect bites and scratches.
This is f*****g mint news. Dylan looks like a future hardarse and there are top bloke and top sheila awards all round here. One for Bear and one each for Dylan and his Mum. Top work, guys. This brewski is for you!