The world’s smallest condom has hit the shops
In news that’s sure to make for a few awkward discussions at the counter, the world’s smallest condom has finally hit stores. At about half the size of existing condoms designed for the smaller phallus, and marketed as ‘tighter-fitting’, ‘snug’, or having an ‘iron grip’, these condoms ought to make your mate Justin very happy indeed.
Yeah, nah, I wouldn’t know personally, but from what I understand, the struggle of the angry inch is real.
So if you, or more likely someone you know, struggles from the ignominy of having only a millimetre monster, a mushroom cap, or a button on a fur coat, let ‘em know they’ll never have to secure their franger with a double-looped elastic band again.
The new rubbers, designed by British company ‘TheyFit’, are a range of prophylactics that start at a length of just over three inches and an opening width of just two point six centimetres. That’s like, the size of a finger, but then, you know, it’s the motion in the ocean that counts, not a size that touches the sides, right?
TheyFit say that more and more men are searching online for smaller condoms and the market, so far, doesn’t provide a solution to this perennial problem for those who suffer from pimple-dick syndrome, a baby carrot, or a nubbin.
The advertising copy on their website says, “Do you find that condoms are much too long for you? Do they slip or fall off entirely during use? It’s an extremely common issue. How about when you try supposedly small condoms that are labelled things like ‘Snug’, ‘Iron Grip’ or ‘Close Fit’? Do the problems remain? It’s because such condoms aren’t actually that much smaller.”
“…millions of men every single day are searching the internet for small condoms and a real solution to their problem. But it’s not so much that you need a small condom – it’s that traditional condoms are much too big for most men!”
Damn straight. It’s not you, it’s the condom companies.
Final thought: Jokes aside, if you’re going to use a condom – which, if you’re sticking it in anything and everything wet and warm, you should – you need to use it properly. If traditional dingers are too big, the only solution is a smaller one. Either that or a balloon. And make sure you don’t reuse the filthy thing when you’re done!
Just in case you missed it, here’s one of Ozzy’s latest commentary videos…Ozzy Man Reviews: Slimy Bloke