Wife’s Annoying Habit Made This Bloke Hide In A Forest For 10 Years

Wife’s Annoying Habit Made This Bloke Hide In A Forest For 10 Years

The nagging wife, an oft-used comedy trope, probably isn’t as funny as television makes her seem.  And nagging anyone isn’t fun really. Let’s not make this misogynous: nagging bosses, nagging parents, nagging siblings, nagging teachers and authority figures of all kinds are pretty sh**.

Just ask Malcolm Applegate, a sixty-two year-old gardener from the UK who got so fed up with his wife’s nagging he ran away from home and lived in a forest for ten years. 

Now, correct me if I’m wrong, but anyone who uses this as their go-to method of dealing with their wife is either under some serious pressure from the missus or has several screws loose.

"That's not how you hold a cup of tea, Malcolm." Credit: Surrey Comet/SWNS

“That’s not how you hold a cup of tea, Malcolm.” Credit: Surrey Comet/SWNS

This really is an extraordinary story. Malcolm describes the first three years of his marriage as “all right,” and says he “got on well with her,” but once his work picked up it all got too much.

I don’t think I need to hyperbolise this. Just look at Malcolm’s words.

“She said, ‘Why don’t we have more time together?’ I said, ‘How can I? I have been recommended to people. I just upped and left, I got fed up with her because we used to get into so many arguments. It took me three weeks to get back to London.”

I’m trying to picture this. Malcolm just got on his bike and left. For three weeks he peddled like buggery, probably without looking back, only to get to Oxford where his bike was pinched.

"Don't slouch, Malcolm." Credit: Surrey Comet/SWNS

“Don’t slouch, Malcolm.” Credit: Surrey Comet/SWNS

From there he went and lived in a forest with a few other blokes while he did the gardening at an old-folks home.  He chose to be homeless rather than live with his wife.

Strewth mate, it’s called a divorce. You don’t actually have to be homeless.

Check out the bit about his sister:

“I think she assumed I was dead. I wrote her a letter once I was settled in Greenwich and she phoned me up, in floods of tears. We now have a great relationship again.”

He let his family think he was dead. Rather than tell them he’d left his wife, he said nothing and let them think he was dead.

"That's not a very good solution, Malcolm." Credit: Surrey Comet/SWNS

“That’s not a very good solution, Malcolm.” Credit: Surrey Comet/SWNS

Malcolm, that’s some champion stubbornness and amazing commitment to the cause.  I’d say you’re living the dream, but I really don’t think you were. There were probably better ways to go about this. Not that I want to nag you or anything.

H/T: NZ Herald.