Fake Bear Chases Unknown Actor On Snowboard, Media Are Like Flies On Sh*t

Fake Bear Chases Unknown Actor On Snowboard, Media Are Like Flies On Sh*t

Oh get fucked with “viral” marketing. Get fair dinkum fucked.

What the hell is this “Snowboarder Girl Gets Chased By Bear” video gonna end up being an advert for? Or will it just be a hoax…*cynical voice* for fun. Get fucked.

Media outlets are trying to spin it with neutrality like: “Is this video a hoax or not?”

Get fucked. Yes, it is.

If you haven’t seen it yet take a look and then I’ll give you a written critical analysis.

The video is below ladies and gents:

Ozzy Man’s Critical Analysis:

1. The name “Kelly Murphy” (which is the YouTube user account) sounds like a name you come up with when you write your first screenplay. “It’s such a REAL person name. Yes! Nailed it!”

2. Three videos have been uploaded by “Kelly Murphy”. They all appear to be shot on the same day (same clothes, same weather). Two were released 5 days ago. Lucky number 3 was released today. It’s the laziest attempt to show previous content as if she’s a regular uploader EVER.

3. It just seems like acting. Camera rolls. She starts singing. She does some cheeky pans of the selfie stick throughout her run so the bear can be added in later. The stupid singing feels forced. ACTING. I’m like Gary in Team America. I can spot ACTING. It feels directed too. Like it’s been modelled after The Descent… “We shall show glimpses of the terror, like The Descent” said this artsy director.  The bear making sounds when it’s not on screen seems like a directive as well.

4. In terms of Visual FX… It looks like some chroma key work is going on. The edges of the bears fur look very rigid and precise (especially at 37 seconds ey). The chroma keying has been choked hard. Maybe a little more feathering was necessary? Any VFX people in the house here?

5. Production values are too high. Every sincere viral video that’s awesome is always shot vertically, pixelated and compressed as fuck because the person doesn’t know how to get it off their phone uncompressed. This is known. Shits me to tears because I wanna do my commentary on HD vids, but it’s never the case.

6. The title… Snowboarder Girl Chased By Bear… It’s like it’s lifted straight from another hoax video we all know: Man Fights Off Great White Shark In Sydney Harbour.

7. We go through this every year. Why are we still going through it!? Why do digital agencies think vague viral marketing is cool!?

8. The video is already copyrighted within YouTube’s Content ID system. This is unlikely for a natural viral video. When the Average Joe uploads a video that goes viral he/she is contacted by many third-party licensing companies to sell the video to them. I downloaded the video and re-uploaded it. It detected copyright infringement within seconds.

The owner of the video is Antena TV Group.

antena

If this was a sincere viral video it would not be licensed already. The uploader would be in talks to several companies who wish to buy it (Jukin Media, ViralHog, Storyful, Break, Rumble, Rightster, Newsflare, Viral Video UK and on and on and on).

It has already been registered in the Content ID system before going public in anticipation of claiming and monetising duplicate YouTube uploads. And there’s a heap of those already. Cha-Ching!

The fact it’s uploaded by a normal person – old “Kelly Murphy” – starting a YouTube account yet it’s simultaneously owned by a media company makes no sense. Who starts a YouTube channel with a media deal already in place? Ownership means Antena TV were expecting to “go viral”.

*Fucken mic drop*

Remember “First Kiss” turned out to be an ad for a clothing company:

Fuck, for the old people in the room here remember when Lonelygirl15 in 2006 turned out to be part of screenplay? She was written by emerging screenwriters. Not a genuine vlogger or person. ACTING. That was one of the first times we were burnt by deceptive marketing on the web. Shit got furious:

We’ve seen fake arse lightening strike videos so far this year, so I guess “Kelly Murphy” was inspired by their popularity too?

“Kelly Murphy” is also responding super fast to media outlets. It looks like the companies asking about her video in the comments are being replied to as their stories are out and requests met.

The Independent is satisfied because “Kelly Murphy” wrote this back to them via email by the sounds: “Yes the video is real! I didn’t know anything was happening at the time but it’s so scary to watch it back now! I think I’ll stick to the runs with my friends from now on lol.”

One word… ACTING. Ok, two, SCREENWRITING and ACTING.

It’s fucken cancerous how media companies jump on this shit as fast as possible and with rushed scrutiny. Makes ya wonder about the scrutiny involved with bigger stories.

Let’s see in the coming days if it’s in “Kelly Murphy’s” acting contract with the digital marketing company to do interviews or stay aloof online. No replies in the comments from her. Purely talking to media behind a screen at this point.

Crikey. So sick of hoax and vague digital marketing shit. I know I can only ridicule inauthenticity so much because I ham up my Australian-ness, but that’s an easy layer to scratch back to discover my sincerity. And many of you fuckers roll with my cheesiness and we enjoy hamming it up together. What I’m saying is…don’t ever leave me. Sorry, it’s late here, I got emotional. Thanks.

G’night.