Conspiracy theorists discuss their “proof” at Britain’s first ever Flat Earth convention
G’day, folks. How ya going?
Chuck here with a review of Britain’s first ever Flat-Earth Convention. The event, which took place in a Birmingham hotel, can probably claim to be the first convention held by a universally maligned group of crackpots to make the one in scary as f**k kid’s movie The Witches look like a relatively sane affair.
You’re on the internet, so I’m going to assume you know at least a little bit about the flat-earth conspiracy, but essentially it’s a belief that espouses exactly what it says on the tin. It argues that despite a metric ass-load of evidence to the contrary, the earth is flat.
Copernicus would be turning in his grave.
The event was attended by over 200 people. Reports that Birmingham’s supermarkets sold out of tin foil on the weekend of the convention may be unfounded, but let’s face it; they’re probably every bit as accurate as the theory itself.
Over the weekend, the various attendants attended nine speeches. Some of these were intended to prove the earth is a gigantic pancake surrounded by a wall of ice fortified by snipers intent on protecting the secret from reaching the public consciousness. Others posited the earth is a giant snow-globe in the vacuous expanse of space itself. Sounds like something Douglas Adams would come up with.
Some of the evidence put forward included arguments like this from Dave Murphy, a former graphic-designer who now lives off-grid: ‘One of the best examples is Antwerp’s Notre Dame Spire, which can be seen something like 240 kilometres [150 miles] away from the spire. That should be over a mile below the horizon, but you can still see it,’ he claimed.
Well, fark, discussion over. Bloody Dave the graphic-designer comes up with the goods. I bet ya bloody NASA are kicking themselves that they didn’t have Antwerp lower that spire.
Ya see, it’s those sorts of oversight that ensure the authorities’ll never have control over us. They might have propaganda and Photoshop, but we have our eyes – and ya can’t bloody well fool them. I’ve read 1984. I know what they’re trying to do.
Another bloke, a Bolton-based dance musician claimed the earth is diamond-shaped and propped up by pillars. I’ve no f**ken clue what the pillars rest on, but yeah. Nah. That’s just bloody stupid. We like to give people the benefit of the doubt, but that’s not even well-considered.
Seriously, I bet you blokes and blokettes could come up with a better theory than that one. Hit us up in the comments and let us know how our flat-earth actually manages to float in space.
Final thought: Considering this event cost over a hundred pounds for a ticket – on top of merchandise – you’d think the tin-foil brigade would actually question the motives of the operators. If the only evidence I heard was as anecdotal and weak as that we usually see proffered, I’d probably be asking for my money back.
H/T: Daily Mail.