The Kloons Invent The Sex Machine For When You Just Can’t Be F*cked to F*ck
YouTube channel The Kloons have dreamed up a product, mainly in the interests of comedy, for people who just can’t summon up the energy to get jiggy with it.
Their video, called the Lazy Lover, presents a boinking machine that when you strap on in, will do all the hard work for you. As they put it, the “auto thrusting hydraulic sex girdle” lets you take your lover to the edge, “just like you used to when you were attracted to them.”
The Lazy Lover even comes with a neck brace to be used while using the ‘jackhammer’ function, to avoid whiplash. It also has an oil injection feed to prevent overheating. If only all sex toys came with this level of protective gear. If so, Emergency Rooms would have less patients showing up with dinosaur-shaped dildos stuck up their bums. Everyone knows you didn’t fall on it Simon. Although I’d be kind of interested to know the set of circumstances in which you happened to be standing around with a lube covered dinosaur and then you slipped and your bare arse happened to be the first thing that landed on said dinosaur.
While the Lazy Lover isn’t real, I’m sure a lot of couples could make use of the product in the bedroom. Although you might have to be careful if you have kids. No one wants to explain that Daddy needs a rooting machine so that Mummy doesn’t go away on another long holiday with Greg from work. Greg doesn’t even have hair. F*ck off Greg, you baldy twat.
Make sure you stick with the video until the end, things get a little weird (but in a good way).
Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Check out the video in all its magnificent hydraulic beauty here:
H/T: The Kloons